"Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world." - John 16:21
A good ways into my reading, I felt the strangest thing from my now protruding mid-section that, yet again, distracted me from my failing attempt at being productive. Not having ever felt this before, I began to imagine that the small person in my stomach learned a new trick. Like my unborn child started his own band in my uterus and was now practicing the timing for his very first song.
Regardless of how intriguing the idea of my womb-bound child being a musical savant was, reality quickly set in, along with panic. My major issue being that I had no idea what was going on inside of my body. So, when in doubt I did what most reasonable adults would do. I Googled it. What I found was even more awesome than my first idea. I was experiencing fetal hiccups for the very first time in my pregnancy, which feels something like a heartbeat.
As I held my stomach, I felt the the rhythmic movements of my son's first "hiccups" and fell into complete awe. As if it isn't amazing enough that there is a baby in there, there is a baby that gets the hiccups!
Unsure of how long it is suppose to last, I grew fearful. In addition to his hiccups lasting for a minute or two, I began to feel him kick and shift around sporadically. Not that his movements are ever not sporadic. At that moment it seemed to be a rational cause for concern. The thought suddenly dawned on me that he could be afraid. My only solution at that time was to play something soothing for him.
That is when it happened. Although, I tried to reason with myself. All reason was drowned out by me feeling helpless. In my mind, all I could think of was that my baby was potentially scared and there was nothing I could do to help him. This was a feeling worse than heartbreak. I felt so foolish even feeling that way, but I couldn't help but think of how I'm suppose to protect him and I can't. By the time the song ended, the hiccups were gone and the baby was mostly still. I could still feel him shifting but his movements were less abrupt.
My husband attempted to comfort me but most of me felt embarrassed that I even had that moment. It occurred to me that some of my feelings were pregnancy induced, but the rest of them was apart of a journey to motherhood.
An hour or so later, I told one of his God Mothers that I needed to tell her this story. I told her it was silly but she listened anyway. When I was done, we laughed a little, but she told me that she still worries about her daughter. She told me that the best thing I could do was teach my son who really protects him. I don't know if she knows how powerful that was to hear, but it was POWERFUL. She said to tell him that God protects him and as his parents we will try to keep him safe, but his hope should be in God. She then took it a step further and said that my husband and I should "live it out." We should be an example of what it looks like to trust God.
So, one of my first lessons in motherhood is "Do Not Panic. . . Just Trust." That, I can do.
Thank God for wise counsel.
Think Happy Thoughts :)
