You Know. . . Those People

Why are people so NEGATIVE!? I'm not going to pretend that I don't have my "less than positive" moments but you're always mad. . .always impatient. . . always depressed. . .O-M-Freaking-G.

This weekend, a large part of my focus was getting out of the house. Normally, this wouldn't be a real issue but I let a friend borrow my car because I didn't have any distinct plans. . . and as soon as my car was gone, I IMMEDIATELY felt trapped. So. . . began the calls. Some people came through, others did not, but at the very end of it all: I enjoyed my weekend.

This weekend was unique in the amount of free time I had and not unique in the amount of people that were around. That was because no one was really around. Which at one point was a big deal, but now. . .not so much. I kinda like being alone because I don't have to be effected by anyone. This can work for the better or worst, as will soon be explained.

So. . .When I finally did interact with people, I had some pleasant experiences and some negative ones. Obviously I'm not writing this to talk about the positive ones, so let's cut to the chase. As happy as I once was in my weekend, I found myself being boggled down by a lot of things that eventually caused me to run back into exile.

Although everything had their varying degrees, they all had one thing in common: Negativity. UGH! In fact, so irritating that the next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to lock myself in a closet until I get over it. This would be preferred over talking to someone and ruining their day or even worse. . . their entire lives! You think it's wnot that serious, but it is.

I mean from lackluster feelings about life in general, being impatient, or being overly critical about everything. . . you can really change the way a person feels, looks, or deals with you and it's usually not good. I think everyone has come across that one person at some point in life that is ALWAYS having a bad day. That one person that other people avoid. That person who has contributed greatly to their own demise by being a little too unhappy, a little too frequently. At some point, you just need to seek help. Seriously.

Lastly, to the over-critical. When you critique people, people automatically critique you. Whether they are your friends, family, or acquaintances. . .it does happen. Always talking about what someone is wearing, looks like, hangs with, or talks about, just makes people entirely too involved in what you're doing. And unless you are perfect. . . this is not a good thing. My only advice to these people is to get ALL OF YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW before you start being that person that ALWAYS has something negative to say about somebody else. That way, when people look at you, you won't loose friends for being hypocritical. . . because you'll be perfect.

The end all, say all: Life is depressing enough without you adding your two cents of negativity ALL THE TIME. Think positive! Everyone has moments and everyone should have someone to talk to, but realize when enough is enough and Learn to take the lemons with the lemonade.

Think.Happy.Thoughts. :)

Why Good Girls like Bad Boys. . .

Okay, don't get mad but. . . this is just real talk ;)

Coming from a woman that knows and loves a million great, handsome, and wonderfully "nice" guys; I have to tell you, I completely understand why good girls like bad boys. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to have another relationship with a guy that doesn't appreciate the woman that I am. At the same time, I don't have the rest of my life to wait on the good guy to make "the move". So I present to you, my pros and cons: Why good girls like "Bad boys"!

The "Bad Boy"

The Up-side: This guy is usually fine by your standards, even if no one else seems to think so. This man can talk a good game and is very persistent. From the moment he sees you, he knows what he wants and is determined to get it. When you're with him, He has an energy about him, that draws you in and makes you feel like you're the only woman in the world for him. This guy usually has that "one thing" that draws you to him, that you feel no other man can do. He exudes passion.

The Down-side: His intentions are usually NOT GOOD. . . At all. He is usually so very obviously not good for you that you become his only advocate for life and the relationship. This guy usually has some type of psychosis, whether he is overly neurotic or bi-polar. It doesn't take long to realize that he's not 100% there. He also either wants you to be over committed or under committed; always something extreme and oddly balanced.

This guy always has one permeable flaw that is the cause for the break-up(s) or "lack of ability to flow"(I.e. Girls, Girlfriend, an Aversion to being overly physical, Emotional abusive, etc.). Yet, this one flaw is equivalent to poison and sometimes one works faster than others.

The "Nice Guy"

The Up-side: This guys is usually very sweet, considerate, and comes into your life with the intention and strong desire to be there for you. He will listen to you, wash you hair, and have massages waiting for you, when you get home. This man is usually honest, devoted, and genuine. The perfect boyfriend to run and tell your friend all about. He usually has the tendency to want a greater position in your life, whether he is a friend that wants to be the boyfriend or the boyfriend that wants to be the the husband. In general, He is ideal.

The Down-side: Sometimes, he is SO perfect and SO considerate that he ends up being the exact opposite of all that he aims to be. He ends up being stuck in the "friend zone" because he never really makes "the move". For women that like a little friendly aggression or the thrill of the chase; He is the epitome of a no deal. Being a gentlemen is great, but being passive or a push-over is uninteresting. Some nice guys have everything going for them but no "Je ne sais quoi"; no "that thing" that makes them attractive.

They can also sometimes be a little too emotional. Guys please don't take this the wrong way but there are levels to emotions and sometimes nice guys like to have "the feeling" talk a little too often.

So, why does this cause "Bad Guys" to win the race and "Nice Guys" to finish last?

Well, that's easy. Nice guys are always complaining that girls rather have the bad guy. Somehow, we'd rather be treated poorly and be left with a broken heart. Wrong! The truth of the matter is that "Nice Guys" finish last because they just don't seem to know how to get out of the gate. Most nice guys I know are continuously waiting, not stepping up to the plate to state their interest, or obsessing about something related to themselves or the relationship. There is no drive and no focus on the matter at hand. Most nice guys call it being "respectful," when in actuality, a lot of them are just scared to make the move. As intuitive as women may be, we can't always read the signs of generosity as "I want to be with you."

Another big reason that women tend to end up with the"Bad Boy" is that nice guys are not with out their flaws either. Honestly, there are a lot of "nice guys" that are not so nice, they are socially awkward, extremely picky, clingy, or have issues with communication. Sometimes, nice guys break hearts, too, and while they may be one girls "Nice Guy", they are another woman's "Bad Boy."

In most cases, "Bad Boys" will continue to win at love and war because they will make the moves that will capture the woman's heart before the nice guy realizes that he has the ability to get her or that speaking up and being direct, does NOT make him a bad person.

As a woman who is tired of the bad boys, I'm writing this because I want the nice guys to step it up a notch. I'm tired of having to give up on the nice guy because he just can't seem to get it together or he never just makes it happen. Honestly, sometimes I feel like "Bad Boys" will pursue while, "Nice Guys" have to be pursued. Ideally, I think the two can learn a lot from each other to be the ultimate catch. A man who knows what he wants, goes after it, and has that thing about him; Yet is very respectful, willing to commit, and has good intentions. . . Now, That is a deadly combination!

dysFUNCTIONal

Okay, so this is a little bit of a vent and because of that I will leave the promotion of this post up to my frequent readers, rather than the world.

As much as I understand the the world isn't perfect and all those other excuses and BS. I'm very tired of being surrounded by dysfunction. I don't want things to be perfect but I don't understand why everything has to be SO dysfunctional. From school, family, and life to relationships. . . everything just strives to be flawed.

What happened to striving for perfection or aiming for greatness!? What happened to trying to do the right thing, just because it was the right thing to do!? What happened to values and truths that we cannot deny and do everything to fight for!?

I'm just tired of being in an aimless, hopeless existence where everyone just settles. We settle for jobs we never wanted, we settle for a man that doesn't do what he needs to, we settle for debt, depression, and mediocrity. I just want to go higher; Like, I want to reach goals, make a positive impact, and do it without cutting corners.

I want to succeed. I want to be proud that I stood up for what I believed in, had virtues, and stayed strong. I want God to look at me one day and say "Well Done."

I'm just tired. I'm tired of almost and maybe. I'm tired of the excuses and the issues. I'm tired of "That's just the way it is." I'm tired of the BULL. So, this one is not for you, this post is for me. I'm charging myself to be better and I'm going to pray that God helps me to be all of that and more.

I'm not doing it only for myself, but I'm doing it to show people that life, love, relationships, work and all of that can be FUNCTIONAL. I'm doing it to show the world that a black woman can get married to a black man, have black children and they all be successful. I'm doing it so that I can tell my daughters how to be virtuousness, strong, and compassionate women and raise my sons to be loving, intelligent, and effective men.

I'm doing it because I'm tired of accepting that the world has to be dysfunctional. That's just another lie they told you.

A Woman Like Me

So apparently, there are some individuals that are under the impression that I think I know everything. My response to them in the words of my Best friend is “Ya know. . .” If you want to stamp me with untruths, you should probably take it up with SOMEONE WHO CARES!

It’s not that I THINK I know everything, I totally know everything.

But seriously, I don’t really know EVERYTHING and I don’t think it’s a fair claim to make. If I thought I knew everything I wouldn’t be an advocate of higher education, life lessons, nor would I want to travel around the world. All of those things would be pointless if I contained this vast sea of information that made me undisputable. Come on guys, seriously!?

I think it all comes down to the fact that I’m a challenging person to be in a relationship with, whether it be friendship, daughter, or boo thang. In the beginning or as long as the relationship stays relatively shallow and superficial, I come off as easy-going, kind, and ready to listen. In the inner-workings of me . . . It’s not so simple.

In general, It’s not easy loving a woman like me.

I am emotional, moody, argumentative, prideful, head strong, and needy. I can be selfish, cold-hearted, vengeful, and rebellious. Sometimes I just want to be alone and other times I want to be surrounded by the people that matter to me the most. That’s just who I am.

And as I get older, I realize that that’s okay. It’s okay to be imperfect because it’s a part of what makes you perfect to God and all the other people that learn to love you. It’s okay because if you didn’t have anything to work towards then you would be boring and wouldn’t have anything to do or learn, so that you could teach people from your own life experiences. It okay because it’s what make you, you.

Situations like these just remind me that I’m flawed, in a good way. I have my blemishes but I’m a work in progress.

Distorted Reflections

“If you realize what the real problem is - losing yourself - you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial.” - Joseph Campbell

This is something old that I wanted to share with you all. It came from a time where I felt like I lost myself, which may give a little background for my Eat.Pray.Love Initiative. It's a scary place to be but I feel like its necessary at times to be lost, as a point of re-discovery. Hope you enjoy :)

Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized that you no longer recognized yourself?

The other day, I went to the mirror because I was a little sad and depressed about some things that had been going on recently. I wanted to see if I looked like I felt. To my surprise, when I got to the mirror I did not see me sad or depressed, because I didn’t see me. I stared into this face and saw someone who had been crying. She was sad and broken. She resembled a girl that I used to know. A girl who smiled in-between laughter and saved her tears for joy.

I glanced over the body and touched the face, the skin, the hands and cringed at the familiarity of it all. I had never been this close to a woman before, but it was like I knew her through and through. She reminded me of bubble baths and hot showers, where I would spend hours indulging in child-like thoughts. Still perplexed, I began to take all of her in. She was thin, grim, remorseful, and pained. I looked at her, feeling sorry for her, but I still could not understand why I felt so close to her. So conflicted and close to her.

This is where the suspense ends. Where I thought I would get deep and look in through her lens. Immediately, I froze. A tremble begins, to rise up my spine as I inched forward to confirm what I feared in my mind. She moved with me. I stopped. She stopped. I moved forward, she followed and it began to sink in, that when I looked in her eyes, it was me, trapped within. It was me.

I didn’t recognize myself. There were dark circles under my eyes, I couldn’t decipher myself. It was me. This girl that I spent so long critiquing, so long did I search for her soul, that wasn’t there. It was me, but I was gone. She didn’t carry me along her on the outside. No, she caged me crying out to reach her in the depths of her eyes, where she cried.

Where she cried because she couldn’t find me anymore. She cried because she had lost me and she didn’t know where she let me go. I screamed out to her inside, thinking that she could hear me but she couldn’t. She was deaf to her inner voice and blind to her soul. She was dead inside, yet steady walking around the world. Doing. Seeing. Being. Gone. I was gone.

The saddest part about losing yourself is that you can’t tell anyone where to find you. The saddest thing about being found is that you can’t tell anyone where you’d been to keep you from going again. I want to be found again. I want to be me again. I want to see the same smile that blossomed out of my turbulent adolescence and the same girl that triumphed over life’s unworthy stresses. So I wait. And wait. And wait to be found. As this girl carries me around. I think I know why the caged bird sings. If for nothing else, its to entice an ear to hear what has been captured within.

Time is a Terrible Thing to WASTE!

“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”

Okay Ladies & Gentlemen, here is a lesson on the inner workings of me. Not that you all have to care or anything but just in case you do. . . Here goes it! Time is one of the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS to me on this planet. Seems weird to find such value in something that we all -- me included-- take for granted. . . but I do.

The reason why I think time is so freaking awesome is because everything happens in time, everyone knows about time, but no one can really completely harness the idea. Por Ejemplo, we have hours and minutes and days, but they are all human constructs, which don't really mean anything to anyone but us. Just another way that we human beings seem to set out to control the things that we really have no control over.

The mysteries of time, like the idea of other dimensions or different levels of aging and the history of the world, earth, universe; are all very cool to think about but in it's simplest form time has it's ups and downs. One being that, you never know what you will be allowed to do with your time or when you time is up. . . which leads to one of my biggest PEEVES.

Wasting my time.

I hate when people waste my time. I may be a little bit of a control freak but it seems like for every second that someone delays in my plans. . . a piece of my love for them dies. Call me extreme, but I don't like waiting for people who don't seem to care that thier delays cause inconveniences in the lives of others.

I think I feel so strongly about this because I know that usually when I'm late, it's because I: a. procrastinated or b. Didn't care. It could also be that my family is late to everything, like literally, everything. It's very rare that I am trying very hard to get somewhere on time and I'm still late; therefore, tardiness can be a sign of poor planning or disinterest.

On the flip side, they're are the time managers. People that always have a suggestion for what you should do with your time, life. . . day; overall, they are annoying. I feel like when I ask for advice, the sentence usually goes like, "I really have no idea what to do. . ." I really don't need a suggestion for every part of my life because some of it. . .I've thought about.

Regardless, Time is a terrible thing to waste, so pay attention to where your time goes. Don't give all your time to things that don't contribute to something positive in your life. At the same time, Don't forget to stop and smell the roses. One can over plan.

Just remember to be mindful of how important your time is, so not to look back on life and think that you wasted it.

Ok. . . I'm done. Back to life, I go!

"No Good Black Men" & Other lies they told you

It is all too often that I am faced with this widely accepted concept of the "No Good Black Man," and other lies I've been told since I was a child like "Good Hair" & "Ugly Dark Skin". I don't find it necessary to get into the argument on who writes the stats or the history books, just to shine some light for my sisters who seemed to have lost their way. With a little inspiration from a friend and some research, I felt like I needed to put some information out there about this idea that there is "No Good Black Man," as well as raise the idea that its 2011 people. . . Do we really still need to be having race talks about dating or should we be tackling the issues about how to level the playing field to grant everyone a fight chance?

My vote is for the latter, but seeing that the conversation is still continuing. Here is my piece on the myth of a "No Good Black Man."

History 101:

For those of us that were not privileged, in this lifetime, to attend a prestigious HBCU, or for those of us who have forgotten or never knew, let me enlighten you: Black people did not just wake up one day and decide to come to America. There was no "Hey honey! I think we should go to America today, how does that sound?"It went a little more like "I'll take two of those big black ones, and that little one right there." Which is honestly, a way nicer depiction of what happened in real life.

If they made it over the long ship ride, piled on top of each other for months, they were stripped down and sold to work. Long story short, Men were used for hard labor, women were used for the same labor, child bearing, and sex, and children were separated from their parents and grown to be used in the same way. The "No Good Black Man" was bred with the best women to make strong children. This ended, with the emergence of the 13th amendment 146 years ago. That's about two lifetimes and a couple generations ago, yet slavery lasted from somewhere in the 1600's to 1865. After that, the people that enslaved the "No Good Black Man" continued to take away rights with subjection to poorer schools, jail, Jim Crow laws, not being able to vote and the list goes on. . .

146 years was a long time ago though right. . .

Wrong. Martin Luther King was still fighting for injustices left from that era in the 60's and Malcom X was still fighting for those same things around the same time, but I guess when they died, the problem did too. So now we can compare the Black Men to the white men, who spent a good 400 to 500 years oppressing Black people, poor people, or different people in general for that matter. Not even. The strength, pain, and indecency molded the Black men with a sense of superiority that no man will ever have for me. Everything that they tried to take from him, and he yet stands is a tribute to resiliency and what it means to be a man.

Unfortunately, that essence is stripped by poverty, over-sexuality, crime, and the list goes on, but Black women can't argue that our history has it tainted us in the same vain. We battle being over-sexualized, mothers to children by different men, well-fare dependent, and single. So, I'm miss where we got to where we could point the finger.

How does this apply to the can't get right "No Good Black Man"?

Well, black women are now in a position were they feel they should date outside of their race, which to me, isn't a problem at all. I believe in living and loving happy to whomever that may be. What I don't believe in, is the argument that Black women are switching to white men because its a better alternative. Says who? I guess this Black woman who wrote on '8 reasons to date a white man' says white men are better than black men for these reasons [http://madamenoire.com/22660/8-reasons-to-date-a-white-man-30188/]


"Well, the Black family structure is messed up and Black men are looking for someone to take care of them." The Black family structure was destroyed by the people you're now suggesting as the better option, which is your family structure as well. I'm not downing another races, just stating facts. The same detrimental effects that it has caused in Black men, it's caused in Black women and running away from it is not fixing anything. The effect on Black women was either creating gold diggers, Government aid junkies, or overtly independent women. I don't see how we can argue a case against white men over Black men for Black women and not argue for white women over Black women for Black men, as well.



"Attend and Graduate from College." Ummm. . . yea. White men can get into college way easier, as well as get money from their parents to go. Women, in general, attend and graduate from college in any race, so I guess that's a plea for same-sex relationships. . . I'm just saying. This is especially ridiculous.



"At least attempt to marry before making babies." So, has she not seen all the white girls with white boys on 16 & pregnant. There are a whole lot of white girls out there that are probably thinking, "Really!?" The finally decision on the baby is usually the womens'. I would like to argue that Black women are more likely to have a baby out of wed lock than Black men are running around trying to make babies that, according to this lady, they can't support.



My Conclusion. . .

Don't be ignorant. Don't choose love or not choose love over skin colors and at the very least don't self-hate. It's just not rational. From a Black woman to a Black women, I love good black men (& yes ladies, they do exist). I love them because, like me, their skin tells the story of triumph through adversity and the ability to over-come. They have been pushed down and look down upon by everyone for the past 400 to 500 and being that I have Black men as brother, friends, and a father, I'm not going to be the one to add to that.

. . . And please, get over the Black man and white woman thing. If a Black man wants to date a white woman, What does that have to do with you? You're obviously not his type and clearly it would have worked out. You swearing or Black men is probably the same thing he did with Black women. So, just worry about your happiness and move on.

Whether the next man I date is Black, white, Hispanic, or bi-racial, I will always up-lift Black men because it's a part of lifting up Black people. It's not an us versus them thing, it's we thing. One thing, we do have is a sense of community and No matter who you have your children with, they're going to be Black. Just something to consider.

We also tend to age a little bit better. . . I'm just saying.

Happy Dating!

My 10 Must Haves in a Man

Okay ladies & gents, this is just for fun, which means don't judge me. Although, by reading my blog, you are technically supporting the madness that is me. Thanks!

So, I was sitting down thinking about what attracts men to me. Seems like an odd sequence of thoughts but I'm odd. I tried to consider the men in my life from the past, present and potential guys to come and find a common theme of "Why are these type of men attracted to me?".

I can't say that they are bad men, because a lot of them are good in different ways. Either with credentials or a great personality but why me? This lead me to a few theories. . .

The first consideration was my best friend's "Theory of Rejection." She said the reason men like me is because they like the rejection. If I were nice to them, then they wouldn't like me. I do agree that we want what we can't have but I wouldn't say I'm mean per say. Maybe a little direct and straight forward, but definitely not mean. Although I can be a little distant.

My theory is that, between the clothes that you wear and company you keep, people make assumptions as to whether they can see themselves with you or not. It doesn't have to make sense to everyone, just that person. Once that decision is made then the "courting begins."

In my experience, I meet a lot of great guys but I've only been in two official relationships and one long unofficial relationship, which either means I have a commitment issue or that I just haven't found "the one". Yet, the theme remains the same, the guy tricks me into falling in love and then I'm trapped until the potion wears off. I'm beginning to think that I'm not the "girlfriend" type. If left unprovoked, I would probably remain single for the rest of my life. This causes me to question what kind of provoking leads me into this trap, that I call love.

So I made a list of the top 10 thing I HAVE to HAVE in a man. It's kinda like my way of telling myself what I'm looking for or what I should just stop at the first knock. If you're a woman that's never written a list or at least thought about the qualities your ideal man should have, then you should definitely try it out. If anything, it will be interesting to see how your "true love" actually measures up, but in retrospect its helpful to gage what men you should allow in and what men you should keep out.

10. Love-ability

This is something that I'm adding because I didn't know how important it was until I didn't have it. It's important for a man to have the ability to love and be loved. This is for all the guys that have never been in love or are somewhat incapable of love. This is something that I can't live without, eventually I want to be able to express my love for someone that I've built a relationship with. So, phrases like "I'm not looking for anything serious" are a red flagged HELL NO.

9. Loyalty

UMMMMM. . . DUH. Somewhat of a no-brainer. I think Loyalty has two components, one being the ability to stick to something and the other being truthful. This is kind of a big deal.

8. Ability to Communicate

If you've ever been with a guy that can't communicate, then you know it's pretty much a deal breaker. I won't necessarily say that someone has to come into a relationship reading minds BUT at least have the capacity and desire to learn. This is a two-way street though, so you can't ask for communication and not be ready to sit down and work every little issue out.

7. Compassion

Compassion is on my list because I'm a tad bit of a cry-baby and have been referred to, as such on many different occasions. It is something that I need so that I don't feel insane! Just someone, who says, "it's going to be okay" and not "it's really not that big of a deal".

6. Flexibility

The ability to change, move, and grow is my idea of flexibility. I think it comes with being a well-rounded person and because I can be a little high strung at times. I need some one to add some spontaneity, as well as be able to shift with or counter-balance my many moods.

5. Attractive

Needless to say, the reason why this is in the middle of my list is because it's kind of a big deal. I'm not going to lie and say "No, as long as he has a good personality then I'm down for the cause." A good personality will get you in the door but being attractive is the "win over." I don't know if this is shallow, as much as it is real. If you aren't attractive to a person then it makes it difficult to move from friend to "friend."

4. Intelligence

Okay, I'm not that shallow because the next four top everything on my list. Not saying that I can have a man without loyalty, compassion, or anything else before this; just saying that these are game changers/deal breakers. I wouldn't classify myself as even close to the most intelligent person, but I can say that I love to talk and I love to learn. A man that can teach me something is inadvertently sexy. Sarcasm is a major bonus!

3. Humor

I love to laugh! I can't really go too much deeper here. I love to laugh and a funny guy trumps attractiveness. . . to a certain degree.

2. Ambition

Why is this number 2!? I'll tell you why, the most unattractive thing about any human being is someone who lacks ambition or passion. A man who has a dream and is working to get to those dreams is one of the sexiest, most attractive men in my book. The worst thing is someone just sitting and watching life go by, doing things that don't add to your life. It bothers me and its very unattractive. So, whether it's school, work, family, etc. You have to be trying to get somewhere.

1. Relationship with God

First and Foremost, the man of my dreams has a relationship with God. This is important for several different reasons. One being that God is important to me, so being with someone who doesn't understand that is kind of a waste of my time. The second reason that it's important to me, is because I need someone who knows how to build me up. Its hard to go through something where you would normally pray and not be able to do that with the one you love most. It's also difficult trying to stay on track when you are connected with someone who isn't even connected to the same railroad.

DOES THIS MAN EXIST!? No idea, but if I does, I hope he shows himself before I'm 30 lol

The Beauty of Female Friendships. . .

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life."
- Isadora James

A few years back, I remember hearing a woman speak about relationships. At this point in my life, I was pretty much anti-female. I don't remember if I was dating at the time, but I do know that all of my friends were males. It was awesome--honestly. I can't say that I have an altered opinion because I still value my male relationship but after hearing this woman speak, I learned to value the women in my life as well. It also prepared me for the women that were going to come.

The speaker that changed my opinion on female influence, talked a lot about the hurts that women face in relationships. She talked about the mistake women make and how men have their faults and so on and so forth. The part that was most interesting to me was that she made the argument that "Female relationship, not only were good for your romantic relationships with men, but also for your overall well-being."

This was hard for me to comprehend because I had been hurt by so many women, I couldn't imagine being that close to a woman that would not only not hurt me and on top of that. . .ADD SOMETHING? I thought to myself, "Women are so dramatic and catty. I just fit in better with guys, so how can a woman add that much to my life?"

I mean seriously. They can be terrible. They talk about people. They have attitudes. They are focused on dumb stuff, like clothes and shoes. Guys are just so MUCH easier to get along with, which I must say that I still feel is very true, but then it hit me. I'm a woman.

It seems silly to think that I'd actually have to stop and think about that but it was something that didn't fit with the equation. Something that was so important, it changed the way that I had to view my relationships. If I am a woman, and I think we are so terrible, why would anyone want to be friends with me? Why would a guy want to be friends (unless he was trying to holla), unless women were in fact, not that bad.

In the same thought, I have to acknowledge that I'm awesome; but even more relevant is that there are other awesome women like me.

The beauty of female friendships is that a good female friend can relate to you on levels a man can never understand. A good female friend will cry with you and then go with you to get ice cream and brownies to cheer you up. A good female friend will tell you her experiences to help shield you from ever having to experience the same things. A female friend nows what it means, when you say "Its just one of those days," and she will build you up before she ever tears you down. A good female friend will communicate with you through telepathy in groups with other people.

On top of that, there is always the benefit of the infamous clothes swap when you have to re-do an outfit that isn't going so right.

I think that its important for women to have a close circle of female friends that will surround them in their times of joy, sadness, and weakness. I'm proud to say that I have those women in my life and they mean the world to me.

Thank you all for sticking with me in most stubborn moments, for loving me when I thought I was unlovable, and for always, Always being there for me. I love you guys and you know that you are more than friends, You're my sisters :)

One is the Lonliest Number. . .

"True love never runs smoothly. . ." - English Proverb

There is an old saying that states,"Good things come to those who wait." Really!? Who says and why!? How does that work with the saying that states, "The early bird catches the worm," or concepts like being diligent and working for what you want!?

If you haven't already guessed I'm a little irritated. (I know it was hard to tell). I'm irritated because I'm finding that my surroundings are having a major effect on my inner workings. In a normal circumstance, I would be fine being alone. I would feel claustrophobic and would run and hide away from people that wanted to be near me. Now I find myself. . .just here. Alone.

It's so weird how we want what we can't have and don't want what's available to us. It's like overexposure can soothe desire, where are in other cases, over exposure causes addiction. Well, I'll tell you one thing. . .I'm not going to get addicted to this!

The situation is simple: All of my friends are boo-ed up. It's like God waited for me to say I didn't want a relationship to give them all relationships. OH, THE IRONY! I don't even know if I want a relationship, as much as I just want someone to call, or go to the movies with. Nothing serious, but he has to be as disinterested as me, yet interested enough to want me a little more than I want him. Complicated right?

I don't know. I think I just am having a moment. Which will pass, and then I will be back to my normal anti-love/relationship self. . . I hope. :)

Just a little Encouragement

Today I was feeling a little down while driving to work. I don't know how many people this applies to but, sometimes I get so frustrated with myself for not doing what I should have, could have, or would have done. I wish I could do everything the right way the first time but it rarely works out that way. I would chop it up to being a perfectionist, but I don't really think that's the case. I think it's more like, some things I just don't do.

At other times there are things that I just can't do. Sometimes I find myself saying 'Yes' to everything. "Yes, I will sit on the phone with you while I'm writing this paper!" "Yes, I will take on that large assignment by that impossible date." I don't know, but sometimes it feels good to complete the impossible. Yet, not so good when you realize you can't do, what you couldn't do, in the first place.

This is something that creeps into my personal life as well. I want to do all these things that will be better for me but for what ever reason some things just don't work out. This morning I was thinking about something I wanted to do, but didn't and I just started to go off. I mean like I went IN on myself. I was just like "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET RIGHT!? YOU KNOW WHY!? BECAUSE YOU SUCK!"

As I began to get all emotional, I thought about how you never know what people are going through in their everyday lives. The person that greets you with a smile everyday, could have so much going on under that smile and you wouldn't even know it. I thought about myself and what I go through and how I rarely tell people the whole story. I would prefer to hold it all in and deal with it on my own, but how many others are feeling the same way.

Even worse, What if you didn't have someone to call when you were at your worst? What if you were going through and couldn't call on anyone to be an ear to hear or shoulder to cry on?

All that to say: It doesn't matter what you have done, didn't do, or should have done. Tomorrow is not promised, but if you are blessed enough to receive another tomorrow, give thanks and try to do everything to your best ability. Everyday is a day for new beginnings and it's okay to fall, as long as you get back up.

I know it seems preachy but it's something that I need to hear at my lowest moments and felt it would only be appropriate to assume that some one reading may feel the same. It always comforting to have the person that stays positive, no matter what it is. So, if no one is there to say it, let me be the first to say: It's Okay. You're not alone. Keep pushing towards perfect and you may just end up great ;)

Have a great day!