HBCU L♥VE. . .

"I am not tragically colored. There is no great sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. I do not mind at all." -Zora Neale Hurston 

I just want to start by paying tribute to where this love began. This love of my skin, my heritage, and the blood that flows through me. This love of truth, because it set me free. I pay tribute to my Alma Mater Spelman College for giving me and education that was worth more than I could have ever hoped for.

This post is not just for Black people. I think we all do a good job of having conversations in our quiet, inner circles but we do not do a good job of having those conversations out loud. In the open, where not only people like me can hear but people who are not like me. In this, "like me" doesn't only mean skin color, nor does it only mean "poor" or "middle-class". "Like me" can mean female, intelligent, medium height, or just human. We have more in common than we would like to put on.

Yet, there are differences and for those differences are the very reason why I will continue to sing praises to HBCUs.

I remember the day I fell in love with HBCUs. It was during Spelbound, an over-night stay at Spelman for girls who are considering attending, and I still wasn't sure if I would go to Spelman or Agnes Scott. I wasn't raised in a family that helped you prep for the SATs or who even had a long line of people that attended traditional colleges. I was pretty much alone on figuring out what route I was going to take. Thank God for divine order, because the only reason I even got to Spelbound was because Spelman sent me and application in the mail, I filled it out and later found that I was accepted.

I wanted to go to UGA. For what reason, I don't really know. I think that at that point that's where most of my counterparts (of lighter persuasions) were considering, so I figured it was the best school for me. The issue is that UGA would be perfect for them because they knew who they were and their history. They knew that the only thing standing between them and their goals was the motivation to get there. They could do anything. As much as I believe the same for all people, that we ALL can do ANYTHING. . . There's a lot more standing in the way for some of us than others.

I remember driving up to Spelbound with my mom, looking out the window at the women of Spelman cheering upon our arrival. When I tell you it was like stepping into a time-zone. . . I thought I was in a different world. The campus was beautiful, but even more beautiful was that this was the first time in my life I was surrounded by so many beautiful, educated, Black women. When I tell you, I was sold when I got home, I didn't even think twice about going to Agnes Scott's over-night. Again, nothing against Agnes Scott but this "Spelman" was unique.

In my 18 years of education, the most I learned about the wonderful things that Black people could be capable of was in my 4 years at Spelman. After Honors classes, predominantly white schools, the news, and the history I was taught, I knew that some Black people could be great but somewhere in my heart I also felt that we as a people were condemn to mediocrity. I still feel that education is one of our most powerful weapons as people but in education, we need to know the answers of why: Why do Black people have a history of not voting? Why do Black people perm their hair and bleach their skin? Why is Black ugly?

I love HBCUs because, in my opinion, it's the one place in the world tailored towards the success of Black people and breaking the cycles of our history. HBCUs give Black people the education to understand and to communicate the issues of our community to make the change.

I once heard someone say "Well, why would you go to a HBCU when the world is not like that. You have to learn how to deal with other people." I believe the answer is in the argument. I went to an HBCU because the world is not like it. It's unique in that it was the only time that I could be free to learn on my own terms and feel good about being who I am. I believe HBCUs cultivate Black people with the confidence to go into a society that the more successful you get, the lighter you are, and stand firm, knowing that they are still capable beings.

I believe that the majority of the institutions that are Historically White, meaning at some point people of color were not allowed in and even after are still very limited, have been doing the same thing HBCUs are doing for decades. Yet no one says to them, "Well, why would you have a school that's predominantly white, when in the world you are the minority. Don't you have to learn to deal with everyone?" Of course there are laws that aim for percentages but that doesn't change the culture. The difference is that they are already in their "HBCU," we are the outsiders.

I understand not every Black person will want to go to an HBCU, nor should they have to, nor can I say that it is best for them. I can only speak from my experience. This is just why I love HBCUs.

My only advice is that we all be aware of where we came from so that we don't repeat ourselves. I ask that we all check ourselves for inklings of self-hate and we all find a space where we can be free to grow with out the unnecessary hindrances that someone long before you set up to trap you. I hope that one day, schools teach ALL history and there would be no need for places that only focus on one group, but until that day. . . I believe in HBCUs.

The Ups & Downs: Emotional Balancing

Life has been some what of a balancing game for me. It's filled with ups & downs, in which "ups" often blind me of everything that happened in the "downs" and downs often torture me with all the memories of my "ups".

As I get older I realize that the only thing you don't have to work for is "downs." They come, whether you want them to or not. They can ruin your day, your week, your year, or your life. "Ups" can be worked towards, but they aren't always a reward for something awesome you did, yet they're not guaranteed. Ups can be a good job, good spouse, good food, I mean really it can be anything.

Life is filled with both the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

So, if you can't avoid "downs" and "ups" come and go. . . how do we survive this life?

I personally feel this question shares the same answer as the key to high life satisfaction: Optimism, Joy, Happiness, Peace, Faith in something beyond you (Goodness, God, etc.), etc. It's learning to appreciate the ups without forgetting how you got there and staying positive during the downs, as well as hopeful that another up will come. This is what Balance is to me. Balance is staying grounded, no matter what the weather outside looks like.

When I was younger, I always heard people say "If it's not one thing, it's the other." For the past 2 months I've been looking for a new job, while also trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. The only thing that I was sure I wanted, was stability and money (Of Course). During this time of unemployment, things got REAL. After a month, despite the fact that it was the holiday season, I was frustrated that I had no real leads. I was thinking how horrible life was and how all I wanted was a job and then life would be perfect, but then I began to think 'Well, what happens when I get a job. . . then won't something else have to go bad.'

I really hope no one else thinks like me because honestly, it's quite tiring.

So anyways, I got a temp job (WHICH WAS AWESOME) and then about two weeks later, I got an offered a full-time job (YES!) and (OF COURSE) I accepted. Now, life is great right!? Yes, it is actually, but after getting highly peeved today it further occurred to me that happiness/joy/peace or "ups" are optional. When something challenges my ups, I have a choice to allow myself to go down with my "downs" or let those negative emotions keep it rolling. Dwelling in sorrow is a dangerous tango.

I choose not to partake. As hard as it is, I'm choosing to stay grounded. I'm grateful for two jobs now because I remember when I had none, and when the downs do come, I'm bidding them adieu, just as quick as I say hello.

Downs are inevitable. Ups come and go. Balance, Peace, and Joy is optional.

Choose wisely.

Attention Whores Anonymous

“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people's acknowledgment” 
― Jason Myers, The Mission

This could totally just be me but are we not growing into a society of deprived attention whores? In introspection, I realize that even I, once quiet-natured and nearly invisible, have begun to allow how many likes, follows, and views I receive govern my self-worth. Was the world always like this or is this truly a product of the age of social networking?

It all started in good fun. Creating a profile "All about you" was a way to show the world who you are but when did we get to the point that we even thought people cared. For dating, it makes sense. . . it's like romantic advertisement, but does it work the same for who you want to be friends with?

I guess the real question is: Is it right for it to work the same for who you want to be friends with? Clearly, it does. I have "FB Stalked" hundreds of people for little to no reason at all "just because" and in some cases, their profile sometimes made me think "Hey, they seem like they would be a really cool person to be friends with." On the contrary, I have run across FB pages that made me re-think relationships that had already been established in real life. It's just the power of social media.

As an outsider, I like being able to go to a page "All about you" and gather information to make conclusions about you as a person. Yet, for the one making the page, isn't it narcissistic to create a whole website centered around you for no purpose other than to . . .  well, talk about you? 

To be completely honest, this post has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the fact that I realize that I am now an attention whore. I take pictures, whose only purpose is to function as a profile picture. I find stuff that I like and immediately post to see how many other people will like it to. I write blogs that I think other people will find interesting so they thing that I'm deep and introspective (which I am). I am a complete attention whore. 

My question is. . . when does it end? Is there hope for a generation that is defined by how many virtual friends that they have? Does social media leave people as either in or out, with no in-between? I don't know the answers to any of these questions but I do think that I need help developing a rubric for "Signs of a potential Attention Whore." Maybe it will help, maybe it won't.

I realize that sometimes that one like by that special someone can make your day. . . or that random re-tweet can make you feel like your words have value. . . but what happens when no one likes it? Does that qualify you as unimportant or un-pretty?

I guess the other option is for none of us to care what anyone thinks and have little to no impact on anyone's life. Hmmm. . . that just doesn't sound as cool. Ahhh Well. . . 

AWA Out.

God-Break

Recently, I have been experiencing this feeling of impending doom, which can be applied to my relationship with my significant other, God. . . life. Ironically, this feeling has come at a point in my life where I am beginning to feel like God wants me to move. . . and I don't want to. I mean, it's not exactly like anything has happened to me directly to make me feel this way. Nor has anyone told me that this is what I need to do. I just know. It's like this pull that let's you know exactly who it is and what you need to do, without any action or words.

This scares me.

At some point in life, I welcomed this "all-knowing" feeling but now it's freaking me out. Like seriously. It's causing me to ignore God, start fights, cry, violently seclude myself and all of the other things that emotionally irrational people do.

So, when in doubt. "Slap thyself."

Well, not exactly. I did realize that I need to get to the bottom of this issue. This feeling was no where to be found prior to this call from a "higher power." Yet, as soon as I started to recognize that God was involved and slowly drawing me in. . .I began to hyperventilate. So my question is "What am I afraid of?"

This is the question that I have no answer to but I do know how to find out. I need to be alone. . .with God. After talking it out, seeking counsel, and having a few fits, I realized that the one thing that I know always works is spending time alone with God. This can be done with fasting or as a form of meditation, but at the end of the day its me recognizing that I can't always accomplish what I need to with someone else. There are somethings that can only be addressed with Him.

Some times I jump from Facebook to Twitter, friend to friend, hang-out to hang-out, all to escape a feeling. Whether that be fear, emptiness, self-hate, or whatever, sometimes being alone is just the thing I need to do to address it. There are many times in my life when choosing to be alone with God was the difference between self-discovery and self-destruction.

I can't say this is something that I do often BUT it is something that has always worked for me. So, with that being said I'm taking three days to figure out this fear and pressing task that has been placed on me. Pray for me.

I'll let you know how that goes when I get back!

Sex & Ministry. . .

"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more"

Luke 12:48

This has been a topic that has been on my mind for longer than I can remember. From what I've been taught, it is somewhat of a paradox because sex has NOTHING to do with ministry. So much so that unless, you're married, you really shouldn't be having sex AND be in ministry. I guess to take it a step further. . . as a christian, you shouldn't be having sex before marriage at all.

I feel like I'm going to have to make this disclaimer, a million times, but by no means am I condoning sex before marriage but at the same time. My conflict is and maybe it's just me, that it's dealt with totally wrong. I would go a step further and argue that most sins in the church are dealt with in a way that not even God seems to justify the reaction.

For example: (John 8:1-30) When a town moved to stone a woman who had committed adultery, under the law. . . Jesus responded "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." After that everyone left, one by one. Jesus asked the woman "Has no one condemned you," and after she responded "no," he replied "then neither do I," and the last thing he spoke to her was, "sin no more."

Is this not how the church should deal with ALL sin? I think people would argue that there are different levels of severity to sin, which may or may not be true. People may also argue that you must completely turn from sin to minister to other people. One thing I don't think anyone can argue is that all sin equates to unrighteousness and anyone who is unrighteous will be condemned. This makes righteousness seem pretty difficult, BUT Jesus came to atone for sin so that righteousness could be achieved through faith and love.

Regardless of these known truths, we seem to still qualify sins, leaving "Big" sin and "little" sin. Unfortunately, sex before marriage is a "Big" sin, along with homosexuality, adultery, blasphemy, and murder. When I was younger this is what I believed. Yet, as I grow older I no longer believe that the ways in which we classify or condemn are the ways in which God intended, after sending his son.

With that being said. . . How does one deal with pre-marital sex and ministry? Even more specifically, how does one deal with someone who is unmarried and sexually active and in ministry?

For the first question, the options seem to be from my experience to: (1) Condemn, (2) Seclude, (3) Ignore, and/or (4) Teach in Love. I think condemnation is a popular approach. Condemnation just means that you declare it as sin and state the repercussions thereafter, for example, "Sex before marriage will lead to Hell." Seclusion is a second favorite, which usually includes removing that person from activities, relationships, and some times "God." This can sound like, "Since you are a sinner, you can no longer participate and honestly, I don't think we can be friends. . . I mean you know God can't stand to be around sin." Ignoring is something I don't think many people do, which really needs no explanation but requires not acknowledging the sin or person, at all.

Teaching in love is an approach that requires understanding, knowledge, discussion, and a desire to get to the bottom of the issue with a genuine concern for the individual. This can look like "I've heard that you are dealing with this issue. I believe that God's intention behind pairing each individual to an opposite counterpart under the commitment of "marriage" was apart of a larger design. I want to share my understanding, but I'm also interesting in learning how you feel about this." I think this can also be referred to as a understanding or dialogue approach.

For the latter, do these options change when dealing with someone in ministry? I think the options are the same, with the addition of the concept of "Accountability." This is something that each individual should ascribe to, but in ministry, just like in any leadership position, the question of "Is this the behavior that you feel should be replicated in the people that are following you," should be asked.

I think it works the same if you're a parent considering your children. The question would be, "Am I behaving in a way that I would want my children to behave?" Some might argue that these questions would automatically equate to being righteous, or in this case, abstinent but I think the other side of it is considering how we want God or others to react to us when we mess up. Regardless of how many "Big" sins you have managed to maintain. . . sin is sin. Which means that if you have hope that God will have compassion and forgiveness on your "Little" sins, you should operate in the same way.

My personal opinion. . . righteousness is a heart condition. Jesus came for sinners, and regardless of whether you think you're one or not, He came for you. He came for me. Every christian should strive to be sin-less for the love of God.

In reference to this topic, I've been on both side of the fence. I have been the one condemning, secluding, and ignoring. It is only now that I understand the heart of a sinner who urns for God's compassion, because that's me. Now I understand that SEX, HOMOSEXUALITY, LYING, CHEATING, BLASPHEMY, DOUBT, MURDER (and all the other sins) & Ministry have EVERYTHING to do with each other.

This by no means justifies sin, whether that's sex before marriage or anything else. This is just perspective on dealing with one specific type of sin. If we teach and aim to understand, in love. . . then we will make the biggest impact.

The Child Once Lost: So It Continues. . .

I'm just going to forewarn you that this post is solely dedicated to the history of this blog, to give light to the name change and explain my process of how I got here, what the blog was intended to be, what it was and what I hope that it will be. So basically I'm saying, some of y'all may not give a rat's "arse" but hey. . . ::blank stare:: It's whatever.

I was one of those people that always liked writing made up stories but never really like finishing anything. When I say "anything," I mean stories, art work, craft projects, etc. Somehow, to no credit of my own, I was always able to focus on school to get the grade or work to get paid, but not things that were "self-building," just for me. I remember finishing two journals in my life, which was quite the accomplishment, but I must say that blogging for a year. . . for me. . . is a pretty big deal.

With this blog, I was so afraid that I was going to fail that I started blogging a month before the new year, just to make sure I could get a good head-start. My initial goal was to blog at least twice every month, while pursuing my "Eat.Pray.Love" journey, which I'm proud to say that I accomplished, with some amendments, of course.

My initial PURPOSE/INTENT/METHOD TO THE MADNESS for starting this blog was purely because I was lost, hence the title, "The Lost Child," and on top of that, I was waiting to be found. . . hence the sub-title "Waiting to be found." (Clever, I know-_-) To be more specific, I was in a place in my life where I felt like I was so far from the person that I wanted to be that I could no longer identify who I was. To add insult to injury, I had turned from everything that grounded me, although at the time I felt like all of it had turned on me. 

The only positive I had was that I wanted to be found. Which is a plus, I feel for anyone lost. The pure desire to be found births hope, which births drive to seek that which is hoped for. One lost, without the hope of being found is simply lost.

In order to do be "found," I felt the urge to get back to the basics. My foundation: fun, faith, and love. I also felt like there was no way I would be successful unless I had an accountability partner of some sorts, hence blasting my business to the world, also known as the people that read this blog. 

When I began writing, the blog was undoubtedly for me, but over time I learned that people, not only like reading it, but helped, touched or moved by what I was writing, as well. I ran into people that weren't necessarily "following" the blog, but they read every post and felt connected in some way. Prior to this, it was just a "just for me" blog, which leads me to now.

I have in no way "arrived" at the best me that this planet will ever see. At the same time, I can no longer say that I am lost (At least, not like I was), I don't know where I'm going, nor can I say that I am only writing this blog as therapy for myself. So, with that, I am the child once lost, now found, but still growing. I'm going to continue this blog as I move through my next phase of life, keeping the light on for those of us that are still trying to find our way.

And just so you know. . .we all are a little lost, or in the dark, about something (Just in case you thought your boo boo smelt like roses, or something ;p)

As always,

Eat.Pray.Love. . .Think.Happy.Thoughts. . . Live.Out.Loud. . .& Laugh.

Welcome to . . .

Au Revoir Deux Mille Onze (Farwell 2011)

Dear 2011,

You are one year that brings more mixed feelings than the any of the other 23 years in my life. I don't know if this is something that you can be proud of, but it is my honest opinion that this was a "make or break" year for me. How fortunate am I that "make" ate a little more donuts than "break," tipping the scale towards the former.

You have been filled with tremendous pains and unfathomable joys, to which I am grateful for. I realize now that with out all--and I do mean ALL-- of the preparation from your predecessor (2010), I would not be where I am today.

You must of seen how depressed I was after all of what 2010 had for me. My friends argued that at some point I was unrecognizable. If only I knew what was to come in you, I would have had something to look forward to.

Very quickly, you identified yourself as a time of transition, in-between, and "not quite there yet." In many cases, I was still very attached to my pains, restrictions, and weights from 2010. In you, I realized from day 1 that something had to give. Things, people, and places that seemed out of order were beginning to take a toll on me. I knew that by the time you were away from me, everything must be in its place. I was fighting for me.

As I say my good-byes, I am happy to say that I made it. Not just my body, but the me that was caged in 2009, trapped in 2010, and fought through 2011 has risen victorious for 2012. The strong me. The joyful me. The God-filled me. As I say good-bye to all the things that will be left in you, I thank God for the opportunity to redeem what was lost and carry over what was given.

I thank God for all the lessons learned in 2011. I pray that I can give back in 2012.

Love,

A Child Once Lost, Now Found.