New Year's Resolution-Haters

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle."

- Eric Zorn

As it is time for a new year, I, as do many others, feel the need to reflect upon the passing year, life choices, events, and make an attempt to change something that would make life or the surrounding world a "tinsy" bit better. As a kid, I thought new year resolutions were something that everyone did in the new year.

Little did I know, with everything positive or negative thing, comes something or someone that is against it.

Hence the title, New Year's Resolution-Hater. A resolution is defined as "a firm decision to do or not to do something." A Hater. . . is "a person who hates." So one can conclude that a New Year's Resolution Hater is a person who hates firm decisions to do or not to do something for the new year. This should already sound a little bit absurd.

I don't understand if people generally hate when people make decisions to change their lives or is it the fact that people hat that other people wait for a time that is symbolically important to them to make those changes. Who really knows? My issue with this "hate/frustration, etc" is that, as humans, this is something that we all do.

I don't know many people who don't look at major events in their lives as moments to grow or change from. It seems to me that someone who is genuinely aiming to grow, will at some point grow. Either in the fact that they have obtained what they were reaching for or. . . that that they know their limitations from failure.

All-in-all, It's a lot better than the people that are always stuck because they never find that special day, person, or any other motive to spark moment in their lives. #imjustsaying. Why be a killjoy?

I support dreams and change for the better in any resolution.

So make your resolution on new year's day or July 1st, either way, the point is that you have an intent to do something and the hope that you'll be successful. I think that wins over "Haters" any day.

Baby Mama Drama

I'm a little frustrated. I don't remember ever laying down to have a child, yet it seems that I am having to deal with some of the "Baby Mama Drama" that comes along with the process. . . I had no part in.

I am the aunt of two beautiful children, both a niece and a nephew. I love both children, have a million pictures and videos of both, but one I see more often than the other. Why? Well, my relationship with my nephew's mother is a little "estranged" to say the least. We don't really have the type of relationship where we can call each other and actually arrange these meetings.

The other thing is that my nephew is a 6 (going on 7) year old boy, who loves sports, destruction and boy-things. I feel like I can't always entertain him, so I usually see him when he is over my aunt's with her son who is the same age. But, every time I see him, I give him a million kisses and hugs.

With my niece it's a little different. She's a few months over a year and she is a hand-full. My relationship with her mother is different. She will text me whenever she needs a baby-sitter and if I can keep her, then I always do. She's not easy either. She has fits, screams when she doesn't get her way, and is a busy-body, but all the things that I got to be apart of with her older brother, I try to be apart of in her life.

The issue? I can't post anything about my niece without my nephew's mother posting something about our WHOLE family not caring about her son. This is after birthday parties, baby-sitting, diaper-changing, etc. I really don't get it. I think the worst part is that I want to see my nephew more but I don't know how to deal with her. She never says anything to me. . . she just posts things and keeps it moving.

The last time, we had an issue like this I sent her a message with my number, that she has never used. What am I suppose to do? Needless to say, I'm over it. I love my nephew and will continue to see him when my aunt has him but I don't think I can deal with the extra drama anymore. It's too much. I didn't lay down and have him, nor did anyone talk to me about how they feel so why do I have to see someone talk shit on social media networks.

On top of that, we're all adults here dealing with a child-sensitive issue. I don't want to hurt my nephew. I want him to be happy, have the best future, and all that, just as I want for my niece and just like I want for my own children one day. I don't feel like I should have to defend that, or worry about how often I see one child over the other.

I don't know. Even worse, I don't want someone telling my nephew or niece that I don't love them because of how many times I baby-sit them, Facebook posts or statuses. That's just ridiculous to me. I hope that my niece's mother doesn't feel the same way when her daughter is older, and I have a full-time job and a family of my own.

Anywho. . . Feel free to share your feelings, wisdom, and/or advice because this sitch is well-over-done in my opinion.

Eat.Pray.Love

Why Do Men Play So Much!?

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. . . and they are both disappointed.” - Anonymous

In all of my 8,886 days, I have never heard of a woman (EVER IN MY LIFE) exclude "humor" from her list of qualities in her perfect man. I think Humor is usually right up there with attractiveness and intelligence. For the holy, it may be in the company of Faithful/God-fearing, etc. . . but believe me. . . it's up there. Yet, I've never heard a woman put a limit to that humor, i.e "Thou shalt not make jokes or play past my point of thinking it's funny."

In my short history of dating. . . and not dating, I have been hearing women express that sometimes their man plays just a little too much. This seems to spread across cultures, race, age, yet no one seems to know what or why it happens. I would speculate that it's their expression of love, comfort, "closeness" but at times it can get a little annoying.

From their perspective, I'm sure they think that we're overly emotion and "Kill-joy" prone but there has to be a way to not kill your man's spirits while still letting him know that you're not in the mood.

So, to solve this problem, I sought out to seek wisdom from one of the great philosophers of our time: Kevin Hart. (If you haven't already seen Laugh at my pain, you should probably go watch it and then finish this blog. If you have or don't care. . . feel free to continue.)

One part of Kevin Hart's act was about having a safe word to tell a woman that he was uncomfortable with what was going on in the bedroom (or with bedroom related activities). His safe word was "Pineapples." My thought, after having a conversation with your significant other, Why not create a safe word to say "I really don't feel like joking right now"? This would give your boo thang the opportunity to re-direct that energy in a different way and you the opportunity to say "Calm the hell down" without being a witch.

Honestly, I have no idea if this works but I do plan on trying it out so I'll give you all an update as soon as I know.

Happy Dating.

Think.HAPPY.Thoughts.

The Case of the Ex. . .

The Case of the Ex - Mya

Is it wrong to keep in touch with an ex once you've moved on and are in a committed relationship with someone else? Is it right to stop being a friend to an ex once you stop loving them romantically?

Personally, I think that there's nothing wrong with keeping in touch with someone that you cared about. . . with discretion. I think love goes beyond a "relationship status" and takes on more forms than "will you be my boyfriend, check yes or no." I also think that it's okay to still have love for people even when the relationship changes. I mean honestly I don't get how you ever cared about someone if you can just forget they ever existed as soon as you aren't together anymore.

On the flip side, I also understand how difficult it can be for someone you are with, as well as how dangerous it is when a flame is rekindled past its point. So, what do you do?

Some people say forget them all together, while others say who cares. . . I say keep them at a distance. As mentioned previously, I don't get how people move from "I can't live without you" to "I hate you." Well, I guess I get it, it's just that to me if your feelings had any weight, they aren't that easy to dismiss. In some cases, I think people naturally move apart but I feel like if that person ever meant anything to you, no matter what you still care. In writing that last statement I feel like a lot of people are like. . . "ummm, no."

I do understand people have different stances on hurt (and Lord knows I've been hurt), but in my life I've learned that resentment is a silent killer. Even when the people we've loved have done their worst, "Love" endures. To me this doesn't mean that if someone was the scum of the earth to you that you should be up their ass. . . I just think that love hopes they change for the better, hopes you recover and wishes that everyone finds what they were looking for in the end.

For me, there are some people I would have no issue with never speaking to again but anybody that has touched me deeply, to get to the point of love or a relationship. . . I have a desire to check how things are every once and a while. Especially, if we were ever friends.

At the same time, if it came between being friends with an ex and keeping my new relationship healthy . . . I would bid them adu. At the end of the day my past is how I got to my present which is important, but what I do with my future is way more important. I think personal relationships are some of the most imporant learning tools to humans that are often times taken for granted. Although some are seasonal, some are for a lifetime, and I don't think those are limited to everyone that I never dated.


Food for thought.