The other day I was watching a movie where Cicely Tyson's character described a timeless love with her late husband that struck a serious cord in my heart. She happens to be one of my favorite women in the world to hear speak about anything, but something about this monologue challenged me to question my ability to love without limitations.
In discussing this with my best friend, we reminisced on how crazy in "love" we were in our youth. Everything was so dramatic. We laughed about our fist loves and how we thought we could never live with out them. . . but did. We talked about past heartbreaks and how we thought we'd never love again. . . but did. Everything was so "extra."
So "extra," in fact, that I completely denounced passion. I came to the conclusion that the only way to love is through a mental decision to love unconditionally. Of course I still believe that there is someone God has designed for you. Yet, passion was considered to be an irrational emotion that was tied to immaturity.
My best friend and I agreed that we became jaded by failed attempts to be passionately in love. We also agreed that it was something to work back to with the person you choose to share your life with. I want to be able to say that I loved hard and whole-heartedly. Not to say, that I'm not in love now, but I can tell that there are still places in my heart that are guarded from past hurts. Still times, that I close myself off in memory of lingering pains.
Then comes the moment that changed my whole perspective. I talked to my husband and I asked him, "Do you find that you love less passionately than the first time you ever loved?" He paused for all of two seconds and said, "No. I feel that I love more passionately each time, because I know that I don't want to loose it." This completely threw me for a loop. So, you love harder, knowing how it feels to loose love!? What kind of sense does that make!?
Why would anyone love harder after being hurt? It seemed to make perfect sense to loose your passion to love after love lost, but to gain passion? That just blew my mind.
I fell in love with him a lot more in that moment. It reminds me of the way that God loves us. Passionately enough to die on a cross for people that curse him as he did it, knowing how many times we will hurt him and still making the decision to give up his life for us. If that is not passionate love, I don't know what is? I couldn't imagine choosing to love someone passionately and unconditionally, knowing the pain they will cause me in the end. Also, knowing that some of them will never love me.
Yet and still. . . love never fails.
All this to say. I vow to challenge myself everyday to love passionately and wholeheartedly, like it was the first time I ever loved. The truth of the matter is I survived my past to get to my present. A present that I don't always feel I deserve. I owe it to my husband, children, family, and friends to love them like I've never loved before.
Eat. Pray. Let your love be redeemed.
