New Year's Resolution-Haters

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle."

- Eric Zorn

As it is time for a new year, I, as do many others, feel the need to reflect upon the passing year, life choices, events, and make an attempt to change something that would make life or the surrounding world a "tinsy" bit better. As a kid, I thought new year resolutions were something that everyone did in the new year.

Little did I know, with everything positive or negative thing, comes something or someone that is against it.

Hence the title, New Year's Resolution-Hater. A resolution is defined as "a firm decision to do or not to do something." A Hater. . . is "a person who hates." So one can conclude that a New Year's Resolution Hater is a person who hates firm decisions to do or not to do something for the new year. This should already sound a little bit absurd.

I don't understand if people generally hate when people make decisions to change their lives or is it the fact that people hat that other people wait for a time that is symbolically important to them to make those changes. Who really knows? My issue with this "hate/frustration, etc" is that, as humans, this is something that we all do.

I don't know many people who don't look at major events in their lives as moments to grow or change from. It seems to me that someone who is genuinely aiming to grow, will at some point grow. Either in the fact that they have obtained what they were reaching for or. . . that that they know their limitations from failure.

All-in-all, It's a lot better than the people that are always stuck because they never find that special day, person, or any other motive to spark moment in their lives. #imjustsaying. Why be a killjoy?

I support dreams and change for the better in any resolution.

So make your resolution on new year's day or July 1st, either way, the point is that you have an intent to do something and the hope that you'll be successful. I think that wins over "Haters" any day.

Baby Mama Drama

I'm a little frustrated. I don't remember ever laying down to have a child, yet it seems that I am having to deal with some of the "Baby Mama Drama" that comes along with the process. . . I had no part in.

I am the aunt of two beautiful children, both a niece and a nephew. I love both children, have a million pictures and videos of both, but one I see more often than the other. Why? Well, my relationship with my nephew's mother is a little "estranged" to say the least. We don't really have the type of relationship where we can call each other and actually arrange these meetings.

The other thing is that my nephew is a 6 (going on 7) year old boy, who loves sports, destruction and boy-things. I feel like I can't always entertain him, so I usually see him when he is over my aunt's with her son who is the same age. But, every time I see him, I give him a million kisses and hugs.

With my niece it's a little different. She's a few months over a year and she is a hand-full. My relationship with her mother is different. She will text me whenever she needs a baby-sitter and if I can keep her, then I always do. She's not easy either. She has fits, screams when she doesn't get her way, and is a busy-body, but all the things that I got to be apart of with her older brother, I try to be apart of in her life.

The issue? I can't post anything about my niece without my nephew's mother posting something about our WHOLE family not caring about her son. This is after birthday parties, baby-sitting, diaper-changing, etc. I really don't get it. I think the worst part is that I want to see my nephew more but I don't know how to deal with her. She never says anything to me. . . she just posts things and keeps it moving.

The last time, we had an issue like this I sent her a message with my number, that she has never used. What am I suppose to do? Needless to say, I'm over it. I love my nephew and will continue to see him when my aunt has him but I don't think I can deal with the extra drama anymore. It's too much. I didn't lay down and have him, nor did anyone talk to me about how they feel so why do I have to see someone talk shit on social media networks.

On top of that, we're all adults here dealing with a child-sensitive issue. I don't want to hurt my nephew. I want him to be happy, have the best future, and all that, just as I want for my niece and just like I want for my own children one day. I don't feel like I should have to defend that, or worry about how often I see one child over the other.

I don't know. Even worse, I don't want someone telling my nephew or niece that I don't love them because of how many times I baby-sit them, Facebook posts or statuses. That's just ridiculous to me. I hope that my niece's mother doesn't feel the same way when her daughter is older, and I have a full-time job and a family of my own.

Anywho. . . Feel free to share your feelings, wisdom, and/or advice because this sitch is well-over-done in my opinion.

Eat.Pray.Love

Why Do Men Play So Much!?

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. . . and they are both disappointed.” - Anonymous

In all of my 8,886 days, I have never heard of a woman (EVER IN MY LIFE) exclude "humor" from her list of qualities in her perfect man. I think Humor is usually right up there with attractiveness and intelligence. For the holy, it may be in the company of Faithful/God-fearing, etc. . . but believe me. . . it's up there. Yet, I've never heard a woman put a limit to that humor, i.e "Thou shalt not make jokes or play past my point of thinking it's funny."

In my short history of dating. . . and not dating, I have been hearing women express that sometimes their man plays just a little too much. This seems to spread across cultures, race, age, yet no one seems to know what or why it happens. I would speculate that it's their expression of love, comfort, "closeness" but at times it can get a little annoying.

From their perspective, I'm sure they think that we're overly emotion and "Kill-joy" prone but there has to be a way to not kill your man's spirits while still letting him know that you're not in the mood.

So, to solve this problem, I sought out to seek wisdom from one of the great philosophers of our time: Kevin Hart. (If you haven't already seen Laugh at my pain, you should probably go watch it and then finish this blog. If you have or don't care. . . feel free to continue.)

One part of Kevin Hart's act was about having a safe word to tell a woman that he was uncomfortable with what was going on in the bedroom (or with bedroom related activities). His safe word was "Pineapples." My thought, after having a conversation with your significant other, Why not create a safe word to say "I really don't feel like joking right now"? This would give your boo thang the opportunity to re-direct that energy in a different way and you the opportunity to say "Calm the hell down" without being a witch.

Honestly, I have no idea if this works but I do plan on trying it out so I'll give you all an update as soon as I know.

Happy Dating.

Think.HAPPY.Thoughts.

The Case of the Ex. . .

The Case of the Ex - Mya

Is it wrong to keep in touch with an ex once you've moved on and are in a committed relationship with someone else? Is it right to stop being a friend to an ex once you stop loving them romantically?

Personally, I think that there's nothing wrong with keeping in touch with someone that you cared about. . . with discretion. I think love goes beyond a "relationship status" and takes on more forms than "will you be my boyfriend, check yes or no." I also think that it's okay to still have love for people even when the relationship changes. I mean honestly I don't get how you ever cared about someone if you can just forget they ever existed as soon as you aren't together anymore.

On the flip side, I also understand how difficult it can be for someone you are with, as well as how dangerous it is when a flame is rekindled past its point. So, what do you do?

Some people say forget them all together, while others say who cares. . . I say keep them at a distance. As mentioned previously, I don't get how people move from "I can't live without you" to "I hate you." Well, I guess I get it, it's just that to me if your feelings had any weight, they aren't that easy to dismiss. In some cases, I think people naturally move apart but I feel like if that person ever meant anything to you, no matter what you still care. In writing that last statement I feel like a lot of people are like. . . "ummm, no."

I do understand people have different stances on hurt (and Lord knows I've been hurt), but in my life I've learned that resentment is a silent killer. Even when the people we've loved have done their worst, "Love" endures. To me this doesn't mean that if someone was the scum of the earth to you that you should be up their ass. . . I just think that love hopes they change for the better, hopes you recover and wishes that everyone finds what they were looking for in the end.

For me, there are some people I would have no issue with never speaking to again but anybody that has touched me deeply, to get to the point of love or a relationship. . . I have a desire to check how things are every once and a while. Especially, if we were ever friends.

At the same time, if it came between being friends with an ex and keeping my new relationship healthy . . . I would bid them adu. At the end of the day my past is how I got to my present which is important, but what I do with my future is way more important. I think personal relationships are some of the most imporant learning tools to humans that are often times taken for granted. Although some are seasonal, some are for a lifetime, and I don't think those are limited to everyone that I never dated.


Food for thought.

The God in You

"I see the God in you. That's how I fell in love with God. I saw him in the people that saw me for who I was and loved me in spite of" - The Lost Child

I was sitting at church during the worship service as the Pastor explained the importance of communion. The argument, as to why communion should be important, was as simple as I can make it. . . for the same reason Americans see value in celebrating Thanksgiving: A connection centered around the celebration of food.

As I listened to him talk about what we could think about to make communion resonate stronger with us, I thought of my reason as to why communion is so special to me. Communion is special to me because I know the man who died for me. I know the man who broke his body, and shared his blood for me to be connected with him. When Jesus did this, he asked for the disciples to do this in remembrance of him. . .because they knew him. They knew Jesus.

One of the options given was to think about what Jesus did on the cross and how that impacts us today. Another to think of the special connections shared with this ceremony. What brought me to tears was that I felt like I knew the heart of the man that did it. What he did was great, but who he was and why he did it, to me, was what made it the greatest story ever told.

During the moment, that I realized that I knew who he was, I looked over to my right. This is where my boyfriend was sitting beside me. I began to think about the countless conversations we've had about Love and God and I cried. In all of my years of serving and worshiping God, during the midst of our conversations I had to come to grips with the fact that I may have never Loved God. I may have never understood the heart of God, nor may I have ever know what love truly meant. Yet, because of my time with him, I began to see God for who he was and couldn't help but to fall in love with him.

But it was through him, and the other people that God placed in my life, that I came to this point.

I didn't realize that when I first began to spend time with him, I was seeing God. I was drawn by his comfort and warm spirit, but at the heart of it, he saw right through me. He made me feel funny, beautiful, safe, and most importantly loved. I began to cancel plans with other people just to steal an hour with him. I began thinking about him throughout the day. I began talking to other people about him, and if anything in the past 7 months my affections have only grown. And as handsome, intelligent, funny, and strong willed as he may be, what he's shown me in the past 7 months was God.

Through his love, he has shown me that God loves. My best friend has shown me God through NEVER leaving my side. My sisters and brothers have shown me love through their support. Jesus says that how we treat the least of us, is how we treat him, on the other hand we bring Jesus to the world through our actions.

This is what made it easy to connect to God because now I understand that God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He does not dishonor others, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.

Now I am charged with sharing that love with you. By letting you know that everyday you are beautiful, everyday you are smart, and everyday you are royalty because God said so. I don't have to tell you everything you did wrong, nor do I have to tell you how terrible you are because none of that matters in Love.

So, thank you to everyone who walks in love, who've shown me love, and who has shown me the heart of God. For this, I am forever grateful.

Child-Like Religion

When I was about 14 years old, I remember going with my grandmother to the grocery store, specifically to purchase cherries. I remember this because it was shortly after I discovered my obsession with cherries and cheese, to this day, still one of my favorite snacks. We both went inside the store, we bought what we came inside to get and on the way to the car I prayed over the fruit and began to eat them. As my grandmother got into the car, she scolded me and said "You have to wash those before you eat them!"I looked at her, laughed, and said, "I prayed." She responded, "Well, you still have to wash them." Confused, I asked, "What can water wash clean, that Jesus can't?"

In no way am I condoning eating dirty fruit, but it was the first time in life I really critically examined my faith, or religion for that matter. The funny thing to me was that she had no response for that. As a teen and even now, I realize that I don't think that's the way everyone thinks. Not that I'm special, just because I was allowed to choose, taught that my opinion mattered, and under that assumption I believe there are millions who can account to the same thing.

For some strange reason, I was always surrounded by a group of people that I could question things with, and not solely for the purpose of questioning, but for understanding and growth. When a question arose, we took to the scripture, we discussed, we prayed, we searched. The amazing part of this was that. . . we found answers and in that, we matured.

Almost like a child who asks why and instead of having the parent that says "Because I said so," they have the parent that gives an answer to help them understand. In the first instance, that child is not equipped on his own, but the second child learns that there can be meaning behind the things in the world and can then impact someone else's life.

Today, when I look back at different phases of my life, I am reminded that I will forever be the student. I will always learn from people, experiences, conflicts and from these things, God will speak to me. In worship, prayer, walking, God is forever in conversation but through these moments and individuals, God teaches me.

Back when I had that conversation with my grandmother, I realized that without the application of faith, we loose the meaning behind what we believe. If God is who we say he is, then why not? Why not love him with all your heart and love your neighbor as you would love yourself? Why not ask and receive, seek to find, or knock to be answered? Why not pray to understand and read to get clarity? Why not?

Not as some test of power but because that is what we believe. It seems that we were given all the tools to impact nations, yet many of us (including me) will choose fear before faith, without even making a ripple in time. We are so afraid to critically analyze or think past what we have been taught, for fear that we are going against God. We are afraid to trust God to change not only our hearts and actions, but the actions of those we hope to impact.

Honestly, I feared thinking past what I was given at one point in my life because I was afraid of being wrong. I was afraid there would be an answer that rocked my foundation so much so, that I would no longer believe. Yet, how is that faith? If I only believe as long as I plug my ears and nothing challenges me, how can I really say that I know that I know. . .that I know. You know? (lol, just a little comic relief)

Facts of life. . .God will exist, whether I understand things about him, or not, whether I have faith or not, he is the constant. It's me who is rendered ineffective by the fear to question, understand, believe, love and change. For me this is where I began to seek after God's heart. This is the "new religion," understanding, building a relationship, and falling in love with God without fear.

People, both believers and non-believers, are beginning to ask questions that we have been afraid to address with an open heart. We are beginning to want more from God than the texts on the page, a few hours in church, and a rule book on how to get into heaven. This new religion is not new at all, its the same religion that Christ came to provide under the new covenant against the Pharisee's warped understanding of law. It is not the law that is bad, it is that without love, we cannot fulfill it.

My question is have we become the new pharisees? Consumed and completely missing the point.

Food for Thought.

Groupie Love??

Did you know that if you take a picture with your phone. . . of you. . . and a famous (Male) person then this song (above) will play in your man's head?

I'm just going to say that this situation is hypothetical. . .{^_^} and that it happened to no one that I know. . . (0_0). . . not even me {O_o}. So. . . what had happened (or not happened) was. . .

There was this random girl that will remain nameless for the security of her relationship that decided to go out one night. She was looking FINE, I might add, which is far from the point BUT a true statement, nonetheless. She was hanging out with some friends and co-workers when someone told her that there was a famous rapper in the building. Not knowing much about him, she turned to look and after taking note of the rapper she thought, "I should share this with my boyfriend."

Her first way of sharing this news was to send a text that said "Hey, guess who's here?" The artist moved throughout the club as people took pictures with him but she didn't really know if she wanted to do all that. She really just wanted her boyfriend to know that she saw the guy, so she waited. . . and waited for a while. When her boyfriend didn't respond, she thought if she took a picture then she would have proof and could send it to him in a text. So, she did. Once she did that, she thought, "What the heck, I might as well twit-pic this pic too."

No harm, no foul? WRONG.

So to this beautiful, wonderfully harmless girl's dismay, her loving, kind-hearted, and handsome boyfriend told her, "Don't send me a picture of you and another guy ever again." This was followed by a reference to this song. Confused, the girl chalked it up to jealousy and went on about her day. Unfortunately, she received a call later, divulging how not only did her boyfriend have an issue with this. . . but a friend saw the twit pic and questioned him about it. This led to a discussion at work, where all the men agreed that she was trife.

UMMM. . . WHAT!?

When did a picture with a famous person become groupie love?? I thought groupie love was groupie love.

Help me people. Help me understand.

Matrimonial Phobia

"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." - Anonymous

My name is Falling In Love With Me and I am. . . a "Matrimonia-Phobic" or Gamophobic, take your pick. If you are wondering, 'Hey, did she just make that first word up?,' then you no longer have to wonder because, I did.

The actual term, Gamophobic means fear of marriage or commitment to relationships which I don't wholeheartedly believe I am. I just think that I'm more on the former 'fear of matrimony' side. It's funny that I'm finding this fear to grow stronger and stronger each day I see a new relationship change on my Facebook news feed to "engaged" or "Married."

Ironically, I am so happy for other people and I wish them long and successful marriages with lots and lots of babies that I would love to babysit and take pictures of. . . but me!? Let's just saying I'm having a hard time seeing me. . . there. . . right now. Panic arises at the thought of it, along with questions like 'Lord, am I running out of time?,' 'Am I even the "Marriage Type"?,' 'Will I be in that rare percent that lives to see a 50th anniversary?,' 'Will I make a good mom, or a good wife for that matter?'. . . and the list goes on.

To say the least, the idea of marriage is really starting to freak me out.

To give a little credit to myself, relationships use to freak me out, as well, but I got over that and am now in a AWESOME, committed relationship, but the marriage part. . . not so much. I think what scared me with relationships was failure and I'm assuming that if I dig deep enough that is the same concept here. I hope that people that are not afraid, don't read this and suddenly become this way because I know its a little wacky, I'm just seeking social guidance. (HELP!) I mean seriously, what are the chances of ANYTHING good happening in life. . .really?

I'm just saying, life is hard alone. . . but, with someone else? That's gotta be tough right? Or maybe it is one of the biggest reliefs and/or gifts God has to offer. . . to not be alone. I'm just feeling like the sudden sinking feeling in my chest now, is not the most suitable conditions for marriage . . . now.

Pray for me. :)

Redemption. . .

"The Spirit is Love expressed towards man as redeeming love, and the Spirit is truth, and the Spirit is the Holy Spirit. Redemption is inconceivable without truth and holiness." Roland Allen

Redemption is something that everyone wants to receive but no one wants to give. A paradox in the sense that, if no one gives it . . .how can it ever exist in reality? Redemption is something that is found to be rare and at a great cost, but is that to the cost of the redeemer or the redeemed.

In my life, the hardest things or people for me to forgive are those that have "sinned" against me, yet I have no relationship with. Things that affect my inner most core, like my heart or spirit, hurt me deeply, but depending upon how I feel for someone, redemption is a lot more achievable. Is this how God feels about us?

What was the purpose of the life and death of Christ, if not to symbolize one of God's greatest gifts. . . Redemption. Whether by relationship, or the possibility of one, is redemption granted on the basis of relationship? Or is the idea of redemption or mercy for someone you have no relationship with even greater? I think God considered both, yet redemption comes with the acknowledgment that wrong has been done, grace has been given, and all things are washed away. To christian, this is through Christ.

Just to give a little background, this weekend I was doing a lot of Facebook stalking and I "happened" on to some pages of people that have or still have hard feelings for me or vice versa, you know. . . just to see how things were.

::Long AWKWARD pause, accompanied with a stare::

Anyways, I was looking at people's pages and seeing how things in their lives have changed and continued on long after ME. I then began to think about how they have come to grips with whatever animosity, that was once so prevalent and is now seemingly non-existent, they had or still have. It's hard to have a desire to make amends when your not sure if it's even still necessary to make. Let alone, considering whether this person is "relevant" enough to go through the emotions that come with forgiveness.

Redemption in my life is translating into forgiving those who have wronged or hurt me, apologizing to those I have wronged or hurt, and letting go of the people or situations that just ended with little to no understanding at all. . .in the spirit of forgiveness.

I think whether I've had a deep relationship with another human being or not. . .Redemption is necessary, as long as Christ died on the basis that we ALL could be free from our transgressions. So I choose to walk in that freedom and grant others the opportunity to walk in that freedom as well. Let God do what he does and change the hearts of man, while you love like Christ loved and show the world it's worth it.

Redemption starts in the heart. Your heart. Meaning with you. Whether you are the redeemed or the redeemer. . . it starts with you.

::Hops of stand and skips away freely::

Eat.Pray.Love.

Live.{Walk.in.Love}.Happy. ;)

Silent Wars: Male Friends & Boyfriends

As a girl with a long list of guy friends and a short list of boyfriends, I must say, "I don't do very well with managing the silent wars between the men in my life." I know that a boyfriend is important because he is essentially a candidate for a long-standing position of husband, but does that invalidate a relationship with a man that was never in the running?

A guy friend is well. . .your friend. No different from a girl friend, just made up of a different anatomy. The guy friend, as with most girl friends, are always there in-between boyfriends. He is forced to listen to you rant about how pointless men are with no retorts. He is consistently there. There is limited drama because even if you are attracted to each other, the fact that you've never crossed the line means that you value your relationship. . . AND If you have crossed that line, you feel safe that if nothing came of it, it probably wouldn't work out anyways.

How can a girl choose between that?

I don't even know if the issue is choosing, as much as it is running constant male ego damage control for those guy friends and boyfriends that seem to be a little more "manly." In my experience, the only times guy friends are ever an issue are when: (1) your boyfriend doesn't understand the relationship, (2) both your boyfriend and guy friend are extremely territorial, or (3) one of them is dis-respectful to the other's relationship.

I feel like morally, if someone is acting like a jerk, they should get the "talk," BUT I think ultimately, if you are going to stay with the boyfriend. . . he gets the last word. This is something I would definitely like to hear your stories and opinions on. . .

{HELP! :)}

Relationships 201: When things get tough

I’m not going to lie . . . this love thing is not easy. As I edge towards 6 months in my new found relationship, it seems like everything that was once cute or funny is no longer cute nor funny. I have always said that I like the beginning of relationships better than any other part because it seems like that’s the part that is as you imagined, when you’re single and praying to God that he sends you the man of your dreams. Then you get him and 6 months later, you’re wondering if this was really what you signed up for. This is where I am. Maybe I’m allergic to compromise and all the things you need to have a successful relationship but when things get tough. . . I always wonder if I should get going.

It seems like after a certain time of dealing with someone day in and day out you start to have to deal with everything. You, them, your family, their family, your friends, their friends and the list goes on. . . and on. . . and on. It’s tiring. Even if you just had to deal with that person, dealing with myself is hard, so how does anyone expect me to deal with someone else.
I should be banned from relationships!?

At the same time, 6 months is usually when you decide to stick it out. If you make it past the 6 month itch while dealing with the issues head on, then not only is it very likely that you’ll make it BUT you have the ability to set yourself up for a great long-lasting relationship. That’s just a major IF for some people . . . some more than others.

I don’t know if this happens to everyone but it happens and is happening to me. Coupled with love is the willingness to conquer all obstacles that come your way . . . my questions is do I have what it takes to make it? With all the pain that I’ve been through with loves and loves lost, it just seems like to continue running into the same thing is a little intellectually challenged (If you know what I mean).

You also have to wonder what the other person, in the relationship with you, is thinking. Are they in it for the long haul, or are they ready to jump ship?

Honestly, I feel like this has more to do with my personal baggage than it has to do with my relationships. All-in-all, what I am learning is that love is patient, love is kind, and love is work. Rome wasn’t built in one day and neither is a successful relationship, so if it’s worth it keep trying. [Side not: This is definitely worth it.]

Sorry if this left you more confused than clear but this is real. . . but in being real, I can see the potential for greatness. Good things take work, and GREAT things take persistence, care, and time ;)

Live. Love. Laugh.

Think. Happy. Thoughts.

Awkward Black Girl: College Tour

Moment like these are when I wish I was still in college. . .

If you have never seen "The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl" then you are missing out on a seriously humorous depiction of a growing part of the African american community, which makes this both entertaining but educational. I was referred to this site at least three times before finally watching and then realizing that I could not stop watching. It's very upsetting that there are only 7 episodes!

Coming from someone who can relate, Issa Rae (The Creator) has not only done a fabulous job of reading my mind, but she has also helped to raise the issue of this one sided view of the African American community being portrayed in the media.

There is still this idea that all black people are hip, cool, athletic or ghetto, with any variation from this being un-realistic . . . which I must say is sometimes flattering but a little offensive. The funny thing is "J," the main character, is the "realest" black girl I've seen in the media in a while. If you haven't seen the episodes I have listed all 7 episodes below. Please watch and if you are interested in having Awkward Black Girl at your school, please e-mail: pr@issarae.com for more details, or click the image above.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Episode 7

Also, make sure to check our www.issarae.com and @awkwarblkgrl on twitter!

Georiga's Response to Childhood Obesity. . . What the hell?

Bobby

Tamika

Tina

Maritza

Jaden

First off, I have to say that Georgia has re-affirmed it's position as being one of the WORST states in the U.S., when it comes to child well-being. Second, Really?

I have so many issues with the campaign, starting with using the word "fat" to describe these kids, down to the phrase "being fat takes the fun out of being a kid" . . . what!?

One of the main issues with saying "fat" versus over-weight is that you are dealing with people's perceptions, not actual measurements. Not only are we giving bullies ammo to attack children that are over-weight BUT we are ensuring that the children who were comfortable with themselves have not an ounce left of self-esteem in there bodies. Come on Georgia, you couldn't think of anything better than this?

The idea behind sugar-coding the issue is something that I do understand but I don't know how a campaign like this doesn't do more harm then good. To my understand being under-weight is just as bad as being over-weight so what message are we really sending. It's better to be skinny and happy than fat and unhappy? Weight doesn't determine happiness, speaking from the un-happy, scrawny black child's perspective

Better yet, what about the children that are happy or don't have health issues, do they pass? I think the part that bothers me the most about this is that someone thought it was a great message. Someone thought that exploiting children on TV to say that they were fat is going to help. Yet, this doesn't change the fact that the families who already have financial struggles, can't afford healthy options. Nor does it change the fat that if families are not educated or don't help their children deal with the emotions that can come from a message like this, we may be dealing with other issues like low self-esteem, depression, etc.

I can just see some who themselves are probably over-weight working on this campaign thinking, "This has to be done." I honestly hope that it does work, because I would hate to see the ripple effect that something like this could have on a child. I also hope that if the intent was to piss people off enough to do something that we do better than this.

I think I would like to recommend ads with black boys saying "Have fun while it lasts. . . Being black isn't that fun either" with statistics on black male incarceration that follows. Needless to say, I'm out-raged. I think the seriousness could have been stressed without humiliation and the mention that it's not about being fat, it's about being healthy.

Good 'Ol Georgia. . . what the hell.

It's a Beautiful Life. . .

New Artist Alert!!! New Artist Alert!!!

"Beautiful Life" - @Ro_Lambo

RoLando Lamb Jr is an up and coming hip-hop artist that was born in Richmond Va., who is projected to release his first album by the end of 2011. Recently, he released a new single called "Beautiful Life," which is about seeing the beauty in life, even when it is difficult to see. What I like about his music is that the message is simple, clear, and REAL. Not everyone has it all together, nor is everyone focused on "sex, money, and drugs," so where is the music for those of us that are in-between? Rolando describes his music as "Life Music," and that's exactly why I like it; the breath in my lungs is just about the only thing I have in common with the entire rest of the world and music is the way I connect.

A little more on Rolando: When he was 8 years old he and his family relocated to Atlanta GA. At the age of 17 he was introduced to poetry. Since then, he has completely immersed hisself in any and everything that has to do with writing. His poetic approach to music coupled with his emotional intensity provides a beautiful canvas for his unique perspective on life and its many aspects.

Dowload His Music at Rolando.bandcamp.com

and/or Learn more about him on Facebook.

Anger MANAGEment

Scenario: I'm driving down 75 South headed to work and talking on the phone. For this scenario, I have to make several disclaimers: (1) I am not one of those women that can't drive and (2) I was in traffic. Why are these two points necessary to make now? Well, some may have picture one of those women on their cell phone, driving at 10 miles per hour while traffic speeds around them. . . not the case. I was in morning traffic, which means no one was going anywhere.

Anyways, I have no idea who I was talking to but I do remember that it was a pretty good conversation which lead to my ultimate shock when I glanced to my right to see a man angrily motioning for my attention. Shock and confused, I asked the person to hold on and looked more closely. The man, still angry, was making a phone with his hand and "putting it down." With his mouth, he motioned you need to put the phone down.

At this point, I was still a little confused but I was getting angry, as well. First, Mr. Angry man, if you are really in a rush, why do you have time to get my attention to send signs to instruct me on driving while not watching the road? Second, if the car in front of me is 2 centimeters away and the car behind me is just a close, what can I do?

The man proceeds to speed "off" into traffic, meaning he went no where and I proceeded to grow in my anger. My response, I sped of behind him. He gets about 2 feet away and has to get into the other lane. I drive next to his car to give my gangster grill stare and he is really still angrily motioning. . . after cutting two people off. My thoughts, "Wow, this guy looks really stupid."

I proceed to drive, AND continue my conversation, and he jumps behind me then jumps back into his lane, as the roads split.

Life lessons learned?

#1. Road rage is stupid. When you are screaming in your car like an Orangutan, cussing people out, usually they can't hear you and even if they can, you usually end up doing something just as bad to someone else. Please, save yourself and relax.

#2. Talk on speaker phone. I realize that I'm not going to stop talking on the phone and driving because. . . I mean. Driving is boring sometimes BUT I think i try to use speaker phone so angry men don't have a reason to be sexist, tell me how to drive, and then drive like an idiot. I think this act is for the people.

#3. Is it really worth it? When we get angry about things, is it always worth the reaction. One of the biggest things that this experience showed me is that some times the things we stress about are never really that bad. Some things require energy but negative energy doesn't equate to anything positive. . . hence the negative part.

Parenting In The End Times

"It takes a village to raise a child"

As a 24-year woman who is looking to one day get married and have children, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about what "family" looks like today and how that relates to raising children in the future. I personally didn't come from the simplest of backgrounds, but I'm beginning to feel like the world is just getting worse.

The concept of having a village to raise a child is awesome, until that village becomes everything you don't want your kid to be.

I'm sure people have been having this sneaking suspicion for years now but when I'm watching Republicans and Democrats fight over health care and budgets, and the thing cut is social services and education. . . I began to worry we are moving towards a different type of society. In Georgia especially, were the state is currently one of the worst in child welfare. Can you believe that? What does that say about what we value as a community?

With war, a steady decline in financial resources, crime, hate, and the other scary things this world has to offer. . . Will it one day be irresponsible to have children at all?

I honestly don't know. I assume that things are going good somewhere and people are happy, but then I have to wonder if we live only for the joys in life. If so, if there is no potential hope for joy are when then left with nothing?

I believe that parents have a responsibility to not only protect the safety of their kids, but to prepare them for the world they have been born into. Parents have a responsibility to give their child a chance to be carefree but also prepare them for the struggles that will come. So I guess my real question would be, am I prepared to raise children that are able to withstand whatever comes their way. Will I be a mother of individuals who can be a bright light in complete darkness?

Still don't know. . . but I do know that the idea of being a parent is a crazily important job, I pray that I'm ready, when and where ever it comes.

The Little Things. . .

Recently, I feel like I have been going through THE MOST in my life. In the past week or so, I have done everything from missed deadlines to purchasing non-refundable plane tickets to Boston on the wrong day and quite honestly, I have lost most of the drive to even try to build up hope.

It's hard to wake up one morning and find yourself incapable of doing the things that you were always good at. It's like the twilight zone. I am usually doing the things I need to do well. I'm accustomed to being someone that others look up to, but in the span of 7 days, I no longer feel capable of anything but failure.

Whether rational or not, this is where I am, which is unfortunate because as a child you are told "it's okay" and "things will get better," but as an adult people see the result is a direct reaction to what you put into it.

And then life happens.

One of the sweetest, most kind and adorable families I know, gave birth to a new addition. Wonderful, perfect, but not without a catch; Little Caden was born with some heart complications. Sadness, shock, and frustration were all of the emotions I image would go through any mother or father's mind at this time, but they were and are still very brave.

As I watched them have faith in their lives, I made attempts to have faith in my own but still unsuccessfully. I prayed for them and the same things that I believe for them, seemed to taper off in my belief for myself. I don't understand why it can be so easy to pray and have faith on behalf of someone you love, but yet so difficult to save yourself.

In any light, this morning I found myself crying about another "mistake" and once I gained my composure I decided to check on Caden. So I went to facebook to link to my friend's blog and the story that she wrote became the new source for my tears.

In describing one of the most scary, stressful, and faith-challenging scenarios of her life, this mother begins to see the scary tubes and computers attached to her newborn as the things God is using to keep her child alive. Where most of us would wish they were never there in the first place, as I'm sure she has, she blew my mind with the faith that God exists here too. God can be doing something good in the middle of our challenges.

So, I'm writing to say that it's the little things that count. I would not and could not compare my recent struggles to those of my friend's but God is ministering through her testimony and I'm thankful. I'm praying for her but I'm also praying that God's message is loud and clear. He is a healer, provider, comforter, and ultimately, He acts in our best interest. So keep the faith and pay attention to the moments that change our lives.

To learn more about Caden, visit her blog at : http://thestanleyclan.blogspot.com/2011/08/cadens-heart.html.

Organized Chaos

Just because I'm in the writing spirit, this one will be a little more like my mind exploding on paper. A direct result of the absence of self-expression through writing. Consider this my re-hydration.

I am faced with a dichotomy . . .

The part of me that wants to be more like me

Seems to flow through my very enemy

An enemy which I have identified in a dream like state

Reaching for reality

Deemed for fatality

Yet still hoping for vitality

The enemy with inner me

Is me

A typical conclusion

Draw by the illusion

That my enemy could only be someone else

But it is no one else

Only my creation

A figment of my imagination

A sad attempt at

Demonizing my transgressions

In hopes for reconciliation

In achievement of none

Tradition has become the cage that I want to escape from

While order is where I want to be took

I want to look

Sneak a peek at my life and see consistency

Neat lines and organized thoughts

Everything would make sense

But when I look I see me

Shook

Snapped back into reality

Growing and learning

Not yet there

Order is where I urn to be

Yet planned for me

Cordially

Is dis-order

Dis-comfort

And dis-tain

Everything is so hard to maintain

And it just gets worse

And all they can say is don't complain

It gets better

But when

It will

But how

Tell me now

I want to be rescued

I want order

I want to be contained

Neo-Court♥ship

Recently, I came across this new idea that love can come differently. Crazy, right? This thing that we barely understand, now can look like a million different things. Since the beginning of time Love was a tie to a relationship to people, one, two, three, whatever. Love was something that "brought together." With Adam & Eve, it just happen to be that they were the only two beings on the planet . . . With the stone ages, you just had to club someone and drag them home. . . in Victorian times, there was formal courtship with a large influence from family ties and now: There are no rules.

Raise your hand if you think that isn't true. Now keep your hands raised, so that I can slap them down. In this day and age, Love is unconventionally rogue, disrupting, relentless, and inescapable. . . but was it not always. Who designed the "laws of courtship" that make a distinction from the conventional to the Neo? Who wrote the instructions on how to find, reach, and capture love?

Some places believe that Love can be arranged. Parents pick your life partner, long before you even have a thought in the matter. In others, love is through royalty. You're love is restricted to people of noble blood, no matter how closely related. In others, Love is a financial contract to join families into a better life. These are just to name a few, but you get my drift. The laws of courtship have far less to do with right and wrong and way more to do with where you come from.

Where I come from, love is controlled and grown in an incubator called Tradition. You are always destined to one soul that is wandering in search of you, but will reach you because fate will guide you. Yet, you can't just jump right in all "willy nilly", they're are rules! You have to seek approval, court, seek more approval, pursue engagement (once approval is made, of course), then after long hard suffering and waiting you marry, then consummate that marriage, then have kids and live happily ever after.

As much as I silently submit to the previously stated path being THE WAY. I'm not sure if I can argue that this is the ONLY way. Many of these "new" ways of courtship from instant romance to non-traditional relationships are sometimes erupting into more long-lasting relationships than those more traditional relationships. This is by no means bashing traditional relationships, just creating the argument that if one does find themselves in Love, but didn't hit all the steps in the "appropriate" order, it may not mean a COMPLETE FAIL.

Maybe it just means you found a new way to Love. Just a thought.

Rule Breakers Anonymous.

Think.Happy.Thoughts;)

No Boys Allowed!

If you are a man. . . I'm just letting you know now you most likely will not agree or understand what's about to happen here, but that's okay. It happens. {-_-}

There comes a point in a young girl's life, or should I said a SMART (Yet, Anxious) young girl's life, when she begins to connect the present with the future in efforts to prepare for forever. This is usually when she has or has not reached most of her goals in life and is now setting dead lines for marriage, giving her current boyfriend the critical side glance, evaluating her past to understand her present, and making drastic changes to compensate or patting herself on the back for a job well done. This is a process I would like to call your "Admittance to Womanhood."

As a child, I worried A LOT. . . but my plans, desires, and actions were very centered on, what I would consider now, a short time-span. Whether it was a year to four years, my idea of thinking ahead extended as far as my graduation dates, or maybe the newest school application. Once that was no longer a concern, it was worrying about a job to cover my expenses but when that was taken care of I was presented with a whole other bag of concerns.

Now, being at the end of my early twenties, tip-toeing into the dark abyss of the elderly (I kid, I kid ;p), I realize my thoughts are now racing to places I've never considered giving half a fart of a thought to. (You are very welcome for that visual ;p)

As always, I found that I am not the only 23 year old woman thinking that if I don't figure out how to work excise into my regiment, I'm committing myself to love handles in fifteen years. . . OR that if my current interest doesn't have good eating habits, I will be giving him sponge baths when he's 50.

Call me dramatic if you want to, generation X. . . Y. . . Z, whatever, is learning from the last generations mistakes. We are trying so hard not to be our mothers, we have worries that married women with children don't usually develop until they actually have the kids and husband. Which is not necessarily the best way, BUT it happens.

A few weeks ago, my 19-year-old male cousin asked me if it was fair for a girl to break up with a guy because he isn't fitting into her plan. My answer, as sensitive as I could muster at the time was "HELL YEA." If a woman has a five year plan for marriage and the guy she's with says he never wants to get married, he just granted her a one ticket to freedom or a round trip ticket to blaming herself in five years, if it doesn't work out.

Of course this doesn't mean, just because a guy says he never wants to get married that he won't. It just means that if you take the risk and what he originally told you was the truth, you will be five years older with a five year extension on your plan. . . for something you were technically already told. Not fun.

My cousin argued that things change and I argued that women get to a point where they realize, waiting on superman is not just the failure of America's education system; This is the point we turn Cinderella off and look at the numbers. As men will sometime grow more appealing with age women face changes way earlier, so why waste time? Is it fair no. . . but its not about the thought it's the change in thought process. Innately, we begin to think like it's important for us to survive.

This issue doesn't begin nor end with marriage though, women start to assess career choices, eating habits, family relationships and friendships during this time. . . and for every subject we project how its going to look in at least 10 years.

All I can say, is that no one can understand these issues like a woman. So when you hit this point in life, if you haven't already round up the girls. . . and hash it out!

THINK.Happy.Thoughts:)

A Movie For The Girls

"I'm gonna leave this [curtain] open! Cause... It's called civil *rights*. This is the '90s!"

This movie had me ROLLING! I really don't think it was something that guys could really get but believe me. . . every woman in there was L*Her*AO. Although, I didn't cry, as I would normally, especially something as close to home as a challenge on a close female relationship. It really made me think about how close my friends and I are getting to DOOMSday and it made me wonder how likely it would be that we all stay Best friends forever.

My mother is not what I would call the most socially-equipped person. She's beautiful-- just for emphasis-- GORGEOUS, quirky, funny, BRILLIANT, and all of these other awesome qualities, but she's not really a "Girl's" girl. She actually is pretty distant from those kinds of relationships. I wouldn't 100% consider myself "The 'Girl's' Girl" but I love my girl friends. They mean the world to me and I can't wait to share these moments with all of them. At this point I feel like my bridal party will be 85 deep on my side and my poor husband-to-be is going to have to collect volunteers, so that every girl can have someone to walk down the aisle with.

Maybe not, but I will say that this movie made me think about how much fun it would have been to have watched this with the girls and how much more fun we are going to have when it's each of our turns to walk the plank.

My rating is: 4.5

Happy Viewing :)

Lie To Me

Lies are the seeds of everything evil in this world. It seems like the world is bad enough without lies. All lies do is make it harder for you to know what to believe and what not to believe, what to accept and what to reject. [Tell Me Another Lie]

I hate that I, too, am now a liar. Not to say that I never lied before, but there was a point when I believed that telling the truth had value. I believed that lying was a way to hide the reality in which there was no point of hiding from man, because God knew. So I vowed to tell the truth. [Lie To Me]

Lies destroy souls. They corrupt the mind and pollute the heart. Lies of love. Lies of fidelity. Lies from the past. Now I lie because my heart no longer sees value in the truth. [Tell Me Another Lie]

How could you stare in the eyes of someone you care about and tell them a lie that you know will one day rip them apart. How can you tell someone that you ever cared, with an expectation that they would believe you, yet all you do is lie. Then, imagine the person is blessed with intuition or luck and is already aware of the truth, how then can you still. . . lie. [Lie To Me]

Lying is what tore us apart. Like a seed, you allowed fear, paranoia, and jealousy to creep into my heart. Like a thief, you held on, knowing that I could move on. Like a fool, you still tell the same stories. [Lie To Me]

Now the liar has become the lie to my heart. She can't decipher truth, so she casts your words as lies to my mind, who tells my mouth to say "I wish you well and a million good-byes." For this reason, you must fade away. At one point, I wished for forever, now the only option is that you to. . .

Tell me another lie.

Purpose Driven. . .

If your life's purpose was a car, which car would it be? Would it be the type of car that you would trust you children to ride in, or would it be the latest model of a luxury car? Would it have 4 wheel drive or would it frequently be in the shop, with you left to find other rides? Since I have yet to make my point clear. . . Why are you here? Why do you get up in the morning? Why do you go to sleep at night? What's driving you?

Too much? Okay. . . I let's take a step back.

So, a few days ago I was driving to work and thinking about what I had to do next. I just graduated from graduate school, just got my first job (& paycheck ;p), just got my new apartment, and just order my new bedroom set. I was feeling pretty good. So good, that I started to think, "Wow, I made it." One would think that it would be happy time, but I was suddenly faced with the thought. . . "If I've made it, then what am I going to do with the rest of my life. This?"

Then, I panicked even more and thought, "what if I get complacent here? What if I forget everything I ever wanted because I accomplished some of my goals? What if I get bored and forget all of the other cool things that life has to offer!?" Then it hit me. I no longer knew where I was going. I was on a train to grad school and a full-time job and hadn't even considered what I would be driving next. To loose the metaphors, I no longer understood my purpose.

At one point, my purpose was to graduate from school and get a job but now what? What I am going to spend the rest of my life doing? There are so many people living, who forgot why they were ever living? Either they are just trying to survive, which at times we all do, or they have always been told what to dream. I don't want to believe in a substitute vision for my life.

So, after I set all my practical goals for saving, building credit, and handling bills and revisited my passions. I revisited my love of life, joy and laughter; justice and strength; love and family; identity, culture, and creativity. I thought about all of the things that ignited my soul, children, God, Love, and Wisdom. . . and I made a commitment to myself and God: "Now, more than ever. . . I need to understand and live out my purpose."

What does it matter how successful you are if you never use your power to help people, and what does it matter how much money you have if everyone around you is broke and suffering? I made a commitment to be driven by my passions. God gave us all desires for our hearts, that thing that you've always wanted. For some of us, it is having a family, for others of us, it is our job; yet we all have something that ignites us and would be ultimately fulfilling.

For me, I've always wanted to be a counselor. I think I'm going to work for a few years to transition into adulthood, maybe start a family and then I will pursue my PhD in Counseling Psychology to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. I want to work with families, most likely in the church or community, but I also want to work specifically with teenage girls during their development into women. I would also like to support organizations that promote fair education to people who are not afforded such.

I have by no means figured life out! I just believe that if you are not moving forward, you're moving backwards. Time doesn't stop for no man, so pick a direction and go. Switching directions is all a part of the process, but when there is purpose to life. . . everything seems to fit together. So in the end that it what is ultimately driving me. . .

What's driving you?

Fictional Christian

What does it take to be a man or woman of God. . . because at this point I fear that I am not it. I fear that the church has been telling me for my entire like that the rules to being a Christian are much too stringent for just ANYONE to fit in. No, it requires a peculiar type of person, who is empowered with the strength of God to accomplish greatness, with out sin.

Yes, if you thought that Jesus died and washed away all of our sins, you are correct; but I feel as though it is not the same in my brother and sister's eye. For once I reveal my transgressions, I feel pushed aside, ostracized, and unclean; Left to forever wash the sin from my thighs or my mouth or my thoughts, just to fit in. How hard is it to get to God when you are forced to go through his people? How much do they look like God? How much do I?

Am I merciful? Am I forgiving? Do I judge those who have committed "greater" sins? Some days I feel like a fictional Christian. I feel like I can't talk about what I'm really going through, with someone who could pray with me and would still see me as a child of God. I feel like because I do sin, sometimes forget to pray, and still can't find a church home that I cannot be considered as a follower of Jesus Christ. I feel like Christians spend their whole lives learning what not to do, that they don't focus on the scriptures about love (Matthew 22: 36-40) or forgiveness (Matthew 18: 21-22), or what it actually means to be saved.

Salvation is nothing that you did for yourself by accomplishing perfection, but what God did for all of those that make the choice to believe in their hearts and confess with their mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord (Romans 10: 9-10). The lie is that you can't be a Christian, if you've sinned. The truth is that if you keep your focus on God. . .all other things will pass away.

If you've ever felt this way, just know that people, Saints or Sinners, don't hold the key to your salvation. Jesus does and he gave you the power to make one choice to guide all the rest of your choices. Read it and believe it for yourself.

Thank the Lord, who reigns on the thrown, who passes judgement based on our hearts and not on our actions. I love you.

Your Daughter,

Falling in Love with Me

In.SECURE{me}

I have the power to change

everything about me

that society says is not right or should not be

I am secure in me

'Cause when my naps make me feel

too much like mother Africa

I can perm them and press them down

to feel like the rest of ya

I am securely me

I don't think that I'm anywhere close to a ten

and the points I do have

do not come from what lies within

they come from

the smallness of my waist

curving out to the far regions of my back side

and the overall reaction I get

from any common attraction

Secure is in me

When it's not about my looks

It about what I can do with some books

a few degrees

and praise

Not my mind, but what my mind

can put forth

to demonstrate my intelligence

not to promote wisdom

but to promote fame

In securely me

I use to hate

the skin that I'm in

and my solution was not to love it

but convince myself

that it was just the skin

that I'm in

Not to find it beautiful

to accept it as a shortcoming

and in essence

embrace my skin as a sin

I am insecure

Everything I do I second guess it

my appearance of confidence is a clever way

not to stress it

Humility is another way to dress it

but when it all falls down

its implicit

I need security

Unfortunately I have given up my power

and now I need you

world

Cold, Cruel World

to develop a more secure

me

This is something that I

can only describe

as the. . .

In.SECURE{me}

Pretty Wings

"I came Wrong, You were right/ Transformed your love into like/ Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies. . . I turned day into night, sleep till I die a thousand times/ I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days" - Pretty Wings, Maxwell

Sometimes the best solution is no solution at all. Sometimes the best thing to do, is to stop doing and to just be. Sometimes the best way to hold on. . . is to let go.

Yesterday I was driving home, after a wonderful day. I got to hang out with two very important people to me, I was able to be productive and I was happy. As I was driving, I realized that I was tired and I turned up my music and pressed "shuffle." This is usually my process when I want to listen to music I like, but not necessarily in any type of order. Which can be exciting, when it plays everything I want to hear, or not so much in the opposing situation. Regardless, every once in a while a song played that takes me back to a place I forgot was there. In this case, a few songs played that reminded me of several situations but the one that topped it off was "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell.

Why, you ask? Well, despite the fact that it is a beautiful song, I have been hurt before. Several times actually, but this "hurt" I speak of has been a slow working hurt for the past two years. It's been one that has infected my soul to the point of defacing my character, all the while it has been the cocoon that has blossomed me in the person that I love so much today. (I don't think you understand how hard it was for me to say that. . .so I'm going to say it again.) I love myself :)

Anyway, this place of "hurt" has been hidden deeper, and deeper, and deeper into me that I began to worry because I knew how I should feel but never did. I felt like God had blessed me with a state of temporary amnesia but even in the blessing, the downside was that it would eventually wear off and I would have to face this pain . . . one day. It's just that for now, it was locked inside, in a place called foolish pride. (per Janelle Monae)

Who would have known that music would be the key to my heart's worried? It was as if, it slipped in under the 200 lb securely bolted door, through the locks, past the guards and struck the chord that reminded me of my sadness. As the song began, my eyes swelled and tears streamed. I remembered the hurts, pains, lies, tears, arguments, loneliness. . .and I cried. I cried because I know it took a lot to walk away. It took a lot to let go, but somewhere in that decision I was considered by both parties.

I use to think if someone could walk away and never look back then they never wanted to be there in the first place, but recently I have been presented with another option. Sometimes people leave to give you a chance to be free. Sometimes people leave because they know that it is no longer beneficial for them to be with you in that place.

This song marked a revelation for me that someone cared enough about me to save me, Someone cared enough about me to let me go and someone cared enough to send someone magnificent in place of what I had lost. Someone cared.

. . . and I am forever grateful.