Pretty Wings

"I came Wrong, You were right/ Transformed your love into like/ Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies. . . I turned day into night, sleep till I die a thousand times/ I should have showed you better nights, better times, better days" - Pretty Wings, Maxwell

Sometimes the best solution is no solution at all. Sometimes the best thing to do, is to stop doing and to just be. Sometimes the best way to hold on. . . is to let go.

Yesterday I was driving home, after a wonderful day. I got to hang out with two very important people to me, I was able to be productive and I was happy. As I was driving, I realized that I was tired and I turned up my music and pressed "shuffle." This is usually my process when I want to listen to music I like, but not necessarily in any type of order. Which can be exciting, when it plays everything I want to hear, or not so much in the opposing situation. Regardless, every once in a while a song played that takes me back to a place I forgot was there. In this case, a few songs played that reminded me of several situations but the one that topped it off was "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell.

Why, you ask? Well, despite the fact that it is a beautiful song, I have been hurt before. Several times actually, but this "hurt" I speak of has been a slow working hurt for the past two years. It's been one that has infected my soul to the point of defacing my character, all the while it has been the cocoon that has blossomed me in the person that I love so much today. (I don't think you understand how hard it was for me to say that. . .so I'm going to say it again.) I love myself :)

Anyway, this place of "hurt" has been hidden deeper, and deeper, and deeper into me that I began to worry because I knew how I should feel but never did. I felt like God had blessed me with a state of temporary amnesia but even in the blessing, the downside was that it would eventually wear off and I would have to face this pain . . . one day. It's just that for now, it was locked inside, in a place called foolish pride. (per Janelle Monae)

Who would have known that music would be the key to my heart's worried? It was as if, it slipped in under the 200 lb securely bolted door, through the locks, past the guards and struck the chord that reminded me of my sadness. As the song began, my eyes swelled and tears streamed. I remembered the hurts, pains, lies, tears, arguments, loneliness. . .and I cried. I cried because I know it took a lot to walk away. It took a lot to let go, but somewhere in that decision I was considered by both parties.

I use to think if someone could walk away and never look back then they never wanted to be there in the first place, but recently I have been presented with another option. Sometimes people leave to give you a chance to be free. Sometimes people leave because they know that it is no longer beneficial for them to be with you in that place.

This song marked a revelation for me that someone cared enough about me to save me, Someone cared enough about me to let me go and someone cared enough to send someone magnificent in place of what I had lost. Someone cared.

. . . and I am forever grateful.