God-Break

Recently, I have been experiencing this feeling of impending doom, which can be applied to my relationship with my significant other, God. . . life. Ironically, this feeling has come at a point in my life where I am beginning to feel like God wants me to move. . . and I don't want to. I mean, it's not exactly like anything has happened to me directly to make me feel this way. Nor has anyone told me that this is what I need to do. I just know. It's like this pull that let's you know exactly who it is and what you need to do, without any action or words.

This scares me.

At some point in life, I welcomed this "all-knowing" feeling but now it's freaking me out. Like seriously. It's causing me to ignore God, start fights, cry, violently seclude myself and all of the other things that emotionally irrational people do.

So, when in doubt. "Slap thyself."

Well, not exactly. I did realize that I need to get to the bottom of this issue. This feeling was no where to be found prior to this call from a "higher power." Yet, as soon as I started to recognize that God was involved and slowly drawing me in. . .I began to hyperventilate. So my question is "What am I afraid of?"

This is the question that I have no answer to but I do know how to find out. I need to be alone. . .with God. After talking it out, seeking counsel, and having a few fits, I realized that the one thing that I know always works is spending time alone with God. This can be done with fasting or as a form of meditation, but at the end of the day its me recognizing that I can't always accomplish what I need to with someone else. There are somethings that can only be addressed with Him.

Some times I jump from Facebook to Twitter, friend to friend, hang-out to hang-out, all to escape a feeling. Whether that be fear, emptiness, self-hate, or whatever, sometimes being alone is just the thing I need to do to address it. There are many times in my life when choosing to be alone with God was the difference between self-discovery and self-destruction.

I can't say this is something that I do often BUT it is something that has always worked for me. So, with that being said I'm taking three days to figure out this fear and pressing task that has been placed on me. Pray for me.

I'll let you know how that goes when I get back!