Sex & Ministry. . .

"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more"

Luke 12:48

This has been a topic that has been on my mind for longer than I can remember. From what I've been taught, it is somewhat of a paradox because sex has NOTHING to do with ministry. So much so that unless, you're married, you really shouldn't be having sex AND be in ministry. I guess to take it a step further. . . as a christian, you shouldn't be having sex before marriage at all.

I feel like I'm going to have to make this disclaimer, a million times, but by no means am I condoning sex before marriage but at the same time. My conflict is and maybe it's just me, that it's dealt with totally wrong. I would go a step further and argue that most sins in the church are dealt with in a way that not even God seems to justify the reaction.

For example: (John 8:1-30) When a town moved to stone a woman who had committed adultery, under the law. . . Jesus responded "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." After that everyone left, one by one. Jesus asked the woman "Has no one condemned you," and after she responded "no," he replied "then neither do I," and the last thing he spoke to her was, "sin no more."

Is this not how the church should deal with ALL sin? I think people would argue that there are different levels of severity to sin, which may or may not be true. People may also argue that you must completely turn from sin to minister to other people. One thing I don't think anyone can argue is that all sin equates to unrighteousness and anyone who is unrighteous will be condemned. This makes righteousness seem pretty difficult, BUT Jesus came to atone for sin so that righteousness could be achieved through faith and love.

Regardless of these known truths, we seem to still qualify sins, leaving "Big" sin and "little" sin. Unfortunately, sex before marriage is a "Big" sin, along with homosexuality, adultery, blasphemy, and murder. When I was younger this is what I believed. Yet, as I grow older I no longer believe that the ways in which we classify or condemn are the ways in which God intended, after sending his son.

With that being said. . . How does one deal with pre-marital sex and ministry? Even more specifically, how does one deal with someone who is unmarried and sexually active and in ministry?

For the first question, the options seem to be from my experience to: (1) Condemn, (2) Seclude, (3) Ignore, and/or (4) Teach in Love. I think condemnation is a popular approach. Condemnation just means that you declare it as sin and state the repercussions thereafter, for example, "Sex before marriage will lead to Hell." Seclusion is a second favorite, which usually includes removing that person from activities, relationships, and some times "God." This can sound like, "Since you are a sinner, you can no longer participate and honestly, I don't think we can be friends. . . I mean you know God can't stand to be around sin." Ignoring is something I don't think many people do, which really needs no explanation but requires not acknowledging the sin or person, at all.

Teaching in love is an approach that requires understanding, knowledge, discussion, and a desire to get to the bottom of the issue with a genuine concern for the individual. This can look like "I've heard that you are dealing with this issue. I believe that God's intention behind pairing each individual to an opposite counterpart under the commitment of "marriage" was apart of a larger design. I want to share my understanding, but I'm also interesting in learning how you feel about this." I think this can also be referred to as a understanding or dialogue approach.

For the latter, do these options change when dealing with someone in ministry? I think the options are the same, with the addition of the concept of "Accountability." This is something that each individual should ascribe to, but in ministry, just like in any leadership position, the question of "Is this the behavior that you feel should be replicated in the people that are following you," should be asked.

I think it works the same if you're a parent considering your children. The question would be, "Am I behaving in a way that I would want my children to behave?" Some might argue that these questions would automatically equate to being righteous, or in this case, abstinent but I think the other side of it is considering how we want God or others to react to us when we mess up. Regardless of how many "Big" sins you have managed to maintain. . . sin is sin. Which means that if you have hope that God will have compassion and forgiveness on your "Little" sins, you should operate in the same way.

My personal opinion. . . righteousness is a heart condition. Jesus came for sinners, and regardless of whether you think you're one or not, He came for you. He came for me. Every christian should strive to be sin-less for the love of God.

In reference to this topic, I've been on both side of the fence. I have been the one condemning, secluding, and ignoring. It is only now that I understand the heart of a sinner who urns for God's compassion, because that's me. Now I understand that SEX, HOMOSEXUALITY, LYING, CHEATING, BLASPHEMY, DOUBT, MURDER (and all the other sins) & Ministry have EVERYTHING to do with each other.

This by no means justifies sin, whether that's sex before marriage or anything else. This is just perspective on dealing with one specific type of sin. If we teach and aim to understand, in love. . . then we will make the biggest impact.