It is all too often that I am faced with this widely accepted concept of the "No Good Black Man," and other lies I've been told since I was a child like "Good Hair" & "Ugly Dark Skin". I don't find it necessary to get into the argument on who writes the stats or the history books, just to shine some light for my sisters who seemed to have lost their way. With a little inspiration from a friend and some research, I felt like I needed to put some information out there about this idea that there is "No Good Black Man," as well as raise the idea that its 2011 people. . . Do we really still need to be having race talks about dating or should we be tackling the issues about how to level the playing field to grant everyone a fight chance?
My vote is for the latter, but seeing that the conversation is still continuing. Here is my piece on the myth of a "No Good Black Man."
History 101:
For those of us that were not privileged, in this lifetime, to attend a prestigious HBCU, or for those of us who have forgotten or never knew, let me enlighten you: Black people did not just wake up one day and decide to come to America. There was no "Hey honey! I think we should go to America today, how does that sound?"It went a little more like "I'll take two of those big black ones, and that little one right there." Which is honestly, a way nicer depiction of what happened in real life.
If they made it over the long ship ride, piled on top of each other for months, they were stripped down and sold to work. Long story short, Men were used for hard labor, women were used for the same labor, child bearing, and sex, and children were separated from their parents and grown to be used in the same way. The "No Good Black Man" was bred with the best women to make strong children. This ended, with the emergence of the 13th amendment 146 years ago. That's about two lifetimes and a couple generations ago, yet slavery lasted from somewhere in the 1600's to 1865. After that, the people that enslaved the "No Good Black Man" continued to take away rights with subjection to poorer schools, jail, Jim Crow laws, not being able to vote and the list goes on. . .
146 years was a long time ago though right. . .
Wrong. Martin Luther King was still fighting for injustices left from that era in the 60's and Malcom X was still fighting for those same things around the same time, but I guess when they died, the problem did too. So now we can compare the Black Men to the white men, who spent a good 400 to 500 years oppressing Black people, poor people, or different people in general for that matter. Not even. The strength, pain, and indecency molded the Black men with a sense of superiority that no man will ever have for me. Everything that they tried to take from him, and he yet stands is a tribute to resiliency and what it means to be a man.
Unfortunately, that essence is stripped by poverty, over-sexuality, crime, and the list goes on, but Black women can't argue that our history has it tainted us in the same vain. We battle being over-sexualized, mothers to children by different men, well-fare dependent, and single. So, I'm miss where we got to where we could point the finger.
How does this apply to the can't get right "No Good Black Man"?
Well, black women are now in a position were they feel they should date outside of their race, which to me, isn't a problem at all. I believe in living and loving happy to whomever that may be. What I don't believe in, is the argument that Black women are switching to white men because its a better alternative. Says who? I guess this Black woman who wrote on '8 reasons to date a white man' says white men are better than black men for these reasons [http://madamenoire.com/22660/8-reasons-to-date-a-white-man-30188/]
"Well, the Black family structure is messed up and Black men are looking for someone to take care of them." The Black family structure was destroyed by the people you're now suggesting as the better option, which is your family structure as well. I'm not downing another races, just stating facts. The same detrimental effects that it has caused in Black men, it's caused in Black women and running away from it is not fixing anything. The effect on Black women was either creating gold diggers, Government aid junkies, or overtly independent women. I don't see how we can argue a case against white men over Black men for Black women and not argue for white women over Black women for Black men, as well.
"Attend and Graduate from College." Ummm. . . yea. White men can get into college way easier, as well as get money from their parents to go. Women, in general, attend and graduate from college in any race, so I guess that's a plea for same-sex relationships. . . I'm just saying. This is especially ridiculous.
"At least attempt to marry before making babies." So, has she not seen all the white girls with white boys on 16 & pregnant. There are a whole lot of white girls out there that are probably thinking, "Really!?" The finally decision on the baby is usually the womens'. I would like to argue that Black women are more likely to have a baby out of wed lock than Black men are running around trying to make babies that, according to this lady, they can't support.
My Conclusion. . .
Don't be ignorant. Don't choose love or not choose love over skin colors and at the very least don't self-hate. It's just not rational. From a Black woman to a Black women, I love good black men (& yes ladies, they do exist). I love them because, like me, their skin tells the story of triumph through adversity and the ability to over-come. They have been pushed down and look down upon by everyone for the past 400 to 500 and being that I have Black men as brother, friends, and a father, I'm not going to be the one to add to that.
. . . And please, get over the Black man and white woman thing. If a Black man wants to date a white woman, What does that have to do with you? You're obviously not his type and clearly it would have worked out. You swearing or Black men is probably the same thing he did with Black women. So, just worry about your happiness and move on.
Whether the next man I date is Black, white, Hispanic, or bi-racial, I will always up-lift Black men because it's a part of lifting up Black people. It's not an us versus them thing, it's we thing. One thing, we do have is a sense of community and No matter who you have your children with, they're going to be Black. Just something to consider.
We also tend to age a little bit better. . . I'm just saying.
Happy Dating!
No comments:
Post a Comment