Friendship Math

Plus, Minus, or Neutral.

The other day, one of my very good friends told me something that, I felt was revolutionary to relationships as we know it! He said "In everyone's life there are three types of people. There are people that add to you, people that are neutral, and people that take away."Yea, I'm going to give you a minute to process this ingenious idea. . .

Processed? Great!

I know that this is common sense to someone, but to those of us that are either devoted to being the really good friend no matter what, or terribly selfish, it may be the defining moment for our relationships. This can be the point where we decide who is important to us and who we should let go. It can also be a space to understand our role in people's live and adjust to be better friends.

So let's break this down.

The PLUS side.

There are people in your life that add to you, which we will refer to as your "builders".There are people that can turn your positives into negatives for little to nothing at all, out of the pure desire to do so. This is a person in which you can put together an equation of your relationship with the good and the bad, and always come out with something positive.

For example, If you call a "builder" during your time of need, they respond by approaching the situation in your best interest. They look out for you as a person because they have taken a stake in your growth. This makes them the ideal friend.

The NEUTRAL side.

This group is tricky. These are the people in your life that bring nothing, take nothing, and do nothing. I they do add something, they may take away something and in the end it amounts to nothing at all.

We will refer to them as "Extras". The only thing Extras add to a movie is a body count. They literally get paid to fill space. Extras are tricky because since they don't really add or take away, there is no real need to keep them or get rid of them.

Extras in the example situation mentioned above, will either add sound advice or nothing at all. This leaves the decision up to you. If you need a person to fill space in your life, Extras can be beneficial. Extras also have the potential to be Builders, but because they are neutral, it can really go either way.

The NEGATIVE side.

This group is relatively self-explanatory and referred to as "Takers". Takers take. Simple enough. These are the people in your life that usually equate to something negative. Whether this is a boyfriend that always makes you cry or a friend that always expects you to pick up the check. These people leave you feeling a certain type of way that is rarely positive.

Although it seems like a no-brainer to identify Takers; they are not always easy to detect. Just like Builders these people can be very important to you, having deep, strong ties, but they still don't add after putting everything together.

For example's sake, these people are usually the one's calling for something and rarely the one's listening. These people will sometimes care more about their opinion than you're well being. These people can not always be considered friends.

The OTHER side.

The flip side to this is that we are potentially one of these things to the people in our lives. Understanding what kind of a friend you are, not only helps you to define what kind of a friend you deserve but what kind of friend you should be. You can get mad for a Taker being a Taker in your life, when you are a Taker in theirs.

For me, I wrote down the names of the people that added to me. Once I did that, followed by the things that they added, I stopped writing. I realized that I had a tight circle of supporters that meant the world to me. They added love, support, an ear to hear, and on and on and on. After writing their names, my only concern was how I could improve my side of the equation.

All and All, this was an interesting social experiment for me. I suggest that we all surround ourselves with a circle of Builders, leaving the Extras on the out skirts, and the Takers farther away from our hearts.

Keeping all things in perspective, be realistic. There are some relationships that take time to build. No one wakes up at the perfect friend. Children take from their parents for years without giving anything back. Sometimes you just have to be devoted to the cause. Other times, people hold on too long and miss out on other potentially great relationships.

Use discretion in deciding who should stay in your life and how much they should be given. Just do the math. The rest is up to you.