No means NO: Pushy vs. Persistent

I think there is a point in any individual's life when they run across that one person that can't take a hint. They calls, you don't pick up, they text, you don't answer. . . yet, they just keep coming back. How do you correctly convey you needs in a relationship, from courtship to intimate relationships? How do you tell someone when enough is enough and when their "enough" is not enough?

This is an issue for both men and women. For the more out-spoken, it seems like this is never really an issue. These people usually don't have a problem saying, "Hey, Don't text me anymore"
or "I don't really like you like that," but for those of us who are not that extroverted. . . It's sometimes difficult to tell people that their persistence is moving to a place of flatter to exile.

This is not just an issue in romantic relationships, but friendship as well. Sometime you have some friends that need to be called everyday or they will EX you out of there live, while others may not care if they ever talk to you. It really depends on your personality.

For me, in friendships I need some people to be closer than others. For the people that are closest to me, I would like to hear from them at least two to three times a week. For others, it can go either way. Sometimes I like to text and sometimes I like to talk but it really depends on my mood. All in all, I want to have pretty consistent communication with people that are important to me. Mutual communication. When it gets too one-sided I will back off or strike up a conversation.

At the same time, that communication changes. For texts, I don't like never ending conversations. It's text messaging... but please don't just take it upon yourself to call without asking because I will feel no guilt in letting the phone reach the answering machine.

Romantically, I'm still an introvert in public. I can be affectionate, although its a struggle, but I just prefer to not be emotional in public. Communication wise, I like to speak daily. Nothing too serious but I love texts that indicate there is some thought about me during the day. It makes me feel warm. There is a limit. I like to hang out when I can but its not always my first mode of operation. Since my focus isn't really in this place right now, I'm making no really strong efforts to chill on a romantic level.

So, how do I define pushy versus persistent?

To me, persistent is when there is some form of consistent communication, not constant. It is when the person understands when to aim for a hang out or when to just leave it at "just thinking about you." When every text message is a deep conversation, I get annoyed. It's also sometimes frustrating when I never get to initiate contact. Persistent can mean a morning text at 10am every other day, which gives me the opportunity to send a text earlier or in-between to state my level of interest. If I'm not sending that text, It may be safe to assume that its not in the forefront of my mind.

My level of attempt to make communication says a lot. It can mean that I'm busy or that my feelings are not the same. This is where the hint comes in. As much as I love motivation and moderate persistence. . . pushy is a TURN-OFF. PUSHY is like the serial killer of relationships because I want to communicate and hang, but when it becomes too much for me... I'd rather sever the relationship than have a conversation that that individual is just doing too much. I hate feeling forced into things.

No means no. If a someone says no. Just leave it alone. If someone is unsure, give them space to think. If a someones says no and means yes. They will most likely indicate that at some point after. No need to hurry along the process and if you don't have time. Move on. Just because you feel they way you feel, doesn't mean anyone else has to. That's life. Attraction is rarely a two way street.

Please, Don't catch a stalker case, just relax.

Think moderation :)

Think.Happy.Thoughts