You Know. . . Those People

Why are people so NEGATIVE!? I'm not going to pretend that I don't have my "less than positive" moments but you're always mad. . .always impatient. . . always depressed. . .O-M-Freaking-G.

This weekend, a large part of my focus was getting out of the house. Normally, this wouldn't be a real issue but I let a friend borrow my car because I didn't have any distinct plans. . . and as soon as my car was gone, I IMMEDIATELY felt trapped. So. . . began the calls. Some people came through, others did not, but at the very end of it all: I enjoyed my weekend.

This weekend was unique in the amount of free time I had and not unique in the amount of people that were around. That was because no one was really around. Which at one point was a big deal, but now. . .not so much. I kinda like being alone because I don't have to be effected by anyone. This can work for the better or worst, as will soon be explained.

So. . .When I finally did interact with people, I had some pleasant experiences and some negative ones. Obviously I'm not writing this to talk about the positive ones, so let's cut to the chase. As happy as I once was in my weekend, I found myself being boggled down by a lot of things that eventually caused me to run back into exile.

Although everything had their varying degrees, they all had one thing in common: Negativity. UGH! In fact, so irritating that the next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to lock myself in a closet until I get over it. This would be preferred over talking to someone and ruining their day or even worse. . . their entire lives! You think it's wnot that serious, but it is.

I mean from lackluster feelings about life in general, being impatient, or being overly critical about everything. . . you can really change the way a person feels, looks, or deals with you and it's usually not good. I think everyone has come across that one person at some point in life that is ALWAYS having a bad day. That one person that other people avoid. That person who has contributed greatly to their own demise by being a little too unhappy, a little too frequently. At some point, you just need to seek help. Seriously.

Lastly, to the over-critical. When you critique people, people automatically critique you. Whether they are your friends, family, or acquaintances. . .it does happen. Always talking about what someone is wearing, looks like, hangs with, or talks about, just makes people entirely too involved in what you're doing. And unless you are perfect. . . this is not a good thing. My only advice to these people is to get ALL OF YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW before you start being that person that ALWAYS has something negative to say about somebody else. That way, when people look at you, you won't loose friends for being hypocritical. . . because you'll be perfect.

The end all, say all: Life is depressing enough without you adding your two cents of negativity ALL THE TIME. Think positive! Everyone has moments and everyone should have someone to talk to, but realize when enough is enough and Learn to take the lemons with the lemonade.

Think.Happy.Thoughts. :)

Why Good Girls like Bad Boys. . .

Okay, don't get mad but. . . this is just real talk ;)

Coming from a woman that knows and loves a million great, handsome, and wonderfully "nice" guys; I have to tell you, I completely understand why good girls like bad boys. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to have another relationship with a guy that doesn't appreciate the woman that I am. At the same time, I don't have the rest of my life to wait on the good guy to make "the move". So I present to you, my pros and cons: Why good girls like "Bad boys"!

The "Bad Boy"

The Up-side: This guy is usually fine by your standards, even if no one else seems to think so. This man can talk a good game and is very persistent. From the moment he sees you, he knows what he wants and is determined to get it. When you're with him, He has an energy about him, that draws you in and makes you feel like you're the only woman in the world for him. This guy usually has that "one thing" that draws you to him, that you feel no other man can do. He exudes passion.

The Down-side: His intentions are usually NOT GOOD. . . At all. He is usually so very obviously not good for you that you become his only advocate for life and the relationship. This guy usually has some type of psychosis, whether he is overly neurotic or bi-polar. It doesn't take long to realize that he's not 100% there. He also either wants you to be over committed or under committed; always something extreme and oddly balanced.

This guy always has one permeable flaw that is the cause for the break-up(s) or "lack of ability to flow"(I.e. Girls, Girlfriend, an Aversion to being overly physical, Emotional abusive, etc.). Yet, this one flaw is equivalent to poison and sometimes one works faster than others.

The "Nice Guy"

The Up-side: This guys is usually very sweet, considerate, and comes into your life with the intention and strong desire to be there for you. He will listen to you, wash you hair, and have massages waiting for you, when you get home. This man is usually honest, devoted, and genuine. The perfect boyfriend to run and tell your friend all about. He usually has the tendency to want a greater position in your life, whether he is a friend that wants to be the boyfriend or the boyfriend that wants to be the the husband. In general, He is ideal.

The Down-side: Sometimes, he is SO perfect and SO considerate that he ends up being the exact opposite of all that he aims to be. He ends up being stuck in the "friend zone" because he never really makes "the move". For women that like a little friendly aggression or the thrill of the chase; He is the epitome of a no deal. Being a gentlemen is great, but being passive or a push-over is uninteresting. Some nice guys have everything going for them but no "Je ne sais quoi"; no "that thing" that makes them attractive.

They can also sometimes be a little too emotional. Guys please don't take this the wrong way but there are levels to emotions and sometimes nice guys like to have "the feeling" talk a little too often.

So, why does this cause "Bad Guys" to win the race and "Nice Guys" to finish last?

Well, that's easy. Nice guys are always complaining that girls rather have the bad guy. Somehow, we'd rather be treated poorly and be left with a broken heart. Wrong! The truth of the matter is that "Nice Guys" finish last because they just don't seem to know how to get out of the gate. Most nice guys I know are continuously waiting, not stepping up to the plate to state their interest, or obsessing about something related to themselves or the relationship. There is no drive and no focus on the matter at hand. Most nice guys call it being "respectful," when in actuality, a lot of them are just scared to make the move. As intuitive as women may be, we can't always read the signs of generosity as "I want to be with you."

Another big reason that women tend to end up with the"Bad Boy" is that nice guys are not with out their flaws either. Honestly, there are a lot of "nice guys" that are not so nice, they are socially awkward, extremely picky, clingy, or have issues with communication. Sometimes, nice guys break hearts, too, and while they may be one girls "Nice Guy", they are another woman's "Bad Boy."

In most cases, "Bad Boys" will continue to win at love and war because they will make the moves that will capture the woman's heart before the nice guy realizes that he has the ability to get her or that speaking up and being direct, does NOT make him a bad person.

As a woman who is tired of the bad boys, I'm writing this because I want the nice guys to step it up a notch. I'm tired of having to give up on the nice guy because he just can't seem to get it together or he never just makes it happen. Honestly, sometimes I feel like "Bad Boys" will pursue while, "Nice Guys" have to be pursued. Ideally, I think the two can learn a lot from each other to be the ultimate catch. A man who knows what he wants, goes after it, and has that thing about him; Yet is very respectful, willing to commit, and has good intentions. . . Now, That is a deadly combination!

dysFUNCTIONal

Okay, so this is a little bit of a vent and because of that I will leave the promotion of this post up to my frequent readers, rather than the world.

As much as I understand the the world isn't perfect and all those other excuses and BS. I'm very tired of being surrounded by dysfunction. I don't want things to be perfect but I don't understand why everything has to be SO dysfunctional. From school, family, and life to relationships. . . everything just strives to be flawed.

What happened to striving for perfection or aiming for greatness!? What happened to trying to do the right thing, just because it was the right thing to do!? What happened to values and truths that we cannot deny and do everything to fight for!?

I'm just tired of being in an aimless, hopeless existence where everyone just settles. We settle for jobs we never wanted, we settle for a man that doesn't do what he needs to, we settle for debt, depression, and mediocrity. I just want to go higher; Like, I want to reach goals, make a positive impact, and do it without cutting corners.

I want to succeed. I want to be proud that I stood up for what I believed in, had virtues, and stayed strong. I want God to look at me one day and say "Well Done."

I'm just tired. I'm tired of almost and maybe. I'm tired of the excuses and the issues. I'm tired of "That's just the way it is." I'm tired of the BULL. So, this one is not for you, this post is for me. I'm charging myself to be better and I'm going to pray that God helps me to be all of that and more.

I'm not doing it only for myself, but I'm doing it to show people that life, love, relationships, work and all of that can be FUNCTIONAL. I'm doing it to show the world that a black woman can get married to a black man, have black children and they all be successful. I'm doing it so that I can tell my daughters how to be virtuousness, strong, and compassionate women and raise my sons to be loving, intelligent, and effective men.

I'm doing it because I'm tired of accepting that the world has to be dysfunctional. That's just another lie they told you.