The Halle Berry Effect: Do men want what they can't have?

The question of the century is not: "Will there ever be world peace?" but "Do men want what they can't have?"

Okay, maybe there are other questions that are more prevalent, but it is an interesting question nonetheless because it presents the statement: Men don't want what they can have. This could explain, cheating and infidelity, neglect, or any of the many issues women attribute to men. There are countless examples of this phenomena all over the media and in everyday life, but in an attempt to be thorough and brief, I'm going to just give two examples.

For the first case I present to you, one of the most beautiful women in the world and the inspiration for this blog, Halle Berry. How is it that most men will declare that Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women in the world, but she is single and remains this way? Not only does she remain that way but she has been cheated on several times, has had at least two divorces, and has had more public break ups than most other mildly attractive actresses. So, what's really going on here?

As always, I must take into consideration that the problem could just be her, but if we also consider that most of the break ups have been attributed to her male counterparts being umfaithful, we have something to think about. How can the most common of women hope that a man will love them forever, when the most beautiful woman in the world can't have a long lasting relationship? I would hope that no one would base their love life on a star's dating history but I do think it's strange.

If that's too far of a reach, lets consider the other side. I have had several friends that have dated a girl they liked enough to date, live with, love even, but not forever. This revelation for the female has always been devastating, yet the male deems it fair because it's his desire. Does this mean that men are incapable of monogamy and commitment, or is it that men just want what they can have? My natural progression from this question would be, if Hally Berry was more accessible, would she still be considered one of the most beautiful women in the world?

I honestly don't think so. I think Halle Berry is beautiful, but I've seen beautiful women that loose their appeal because of their "accessibility." It seems like beauty is measured not only in the symmetry of an individual's face, but in their exclusivity, as well. Does that mean, as women, we should be less accessible to appeal more attractive? Umm. . .Yes and no.

I say 'yes' because I feel like women are beautiful, as a whole, and it is the most well kept secret since Jesus's birth in Nazareth. To keep it simple, women don't know their value and therefore men don't know. Women who have higher standards seem to give off a vibe that they are worth more, which limits their accessibility, making them more appealing. Hence, Halle Berry is the most beautiful woman in the world.

On the other hand, woman that don't understand their worth have a higher tendency to grant access to those that are not deserving. They tend to loose sight of what makes them beautiful and fall victim to the Halle Berry effect, which in this case, is being less desirable because of accessibility. Hence, when Halle Berry grants access to a man, they no longer see her as desirable and they look elsewhere.

Yet, I don't believe women should play 'Hard to get,' just to seem more appealing and avoid this phenomena. Men refer to this as 'Playing games,' which I would refer to as being manipulative. I believe women should hold themselves in high regards because they're worth, not for the purpose of 'catching' a man; Especially when the man is the one that looses interest. Hence, I still believe that Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm talking about, I just wanted to present an idea. I do believe that things are more desirable when we have less access to them, but I can't say this is applies to people, nor can I say that this applies to all men. All I can really say is that beauty is beauty and women should take pride in that. Women have the obligation to love themselves and wait to be with a man that is deserving of her.

Food for though.

Bah Humbug: Introducing Ms. Scrooge

First and Foremost, Merry Christmas to all that celebrate it and Happy Holidays to all of those who do not!

This year my mother has canceled Christmas. Extreme, I know. Everyone was a little shocked because my mother is really one of the nicest people in the world, so for her to cancel Christmas, it's kind of a big deal.

Regardless, the rationale for the cancellation of the watered-down, heavily marketed version of Christmas this year is due to my 8 year old sister. Every child has tantrums, some more so than others, but during one of my sister's "moments," my mother made a threat to my sister that would change the course of Christmas in 2010. If you haven't figured it out by now, that threat was, "If you're not going to behave, then no Christmas this year."

It seemed like my sister understood the threat, but unfortunately for all of us, she didn't care. Next thing I knew Christmas was canceled. Immediately my mother started to have second regrets, but I encouraged her that it was the right thing to do. I felt like the tantrums were to the point that she needed to make a statement and if that meant no toys, that she honestly didn't deserve in the first place; It was fine with me.

One thing that I didn't realize was that my mother meant no Christmas for everyone. In my opinion, this was a little bit of a lot, to let an 8 year old decide the fate of the entire family's happiness is a little harsh. I supported my mother's punishment for my little sister but for me? What did I do!?

My mother said that it would be a good time to go back to the basics. She said that the whole point of Christmas was about Jesus and family, and neither had anything to do with getting presents. I agreed. I mean how can you argue? And since when did you get presents for someone else's birthday? When did it become a day that we go out and pay money to get everyone we know a gift and never address that its actually a celebration of the Lord's birthday.

So, because of this, our holiday went as follows: On Christmas Eve, we went to my Aunt's place for a family holiday party, in which we had a lot of fun. We played games, ate, laughed, and took lots of pictures. On Christmas, we woke up late, hung out with family, went out to eat and that was that. Simple and to the point.

Overall, this experience confirmed a lot of what I already believed, which can be summed up in one simple phrase: "Back to the basics". I think sometimes, we go through the motions of life and forget why we do the things that we do. I don't necessarily think we did everything we should of done in this experience but it helps me to see where I would make changes.

I know this sounds crazy, but good or bad; I don't think Christmas should be celebrated by spending the money you don't have. I think that like Martin Luther King's Day is a day for service and remembering what he did to help African American's as a whole, Christmas should be a day to remember Christ. We should change it to Jesus Day, or maybe not, but regardless; On Christmas we should cherish family, God, Life, and Salvation. Not the latest game system or barbie doll, but true values.

We should be teaching our children things that they can grow up on and be good people. So, thanks Mom!

Now your future grand kids will be coming to your house for gifts, because all they're going to get at my house is great life lessons. Just kidding, but I do hope to make sure they understand the true meaning of Christmas and do things to celebrate God. They're probably going to have to, because I don't think I will be one to fill up the living room with presents, but I will try to get them something and teach them how to give.

Merry Christmas ;)

Mirror View.Me

Were you aware that there is always a part of you that a mirror can't see? It seems pretty obvious when you think about it, but people always treat the idea of the mirror as being something that is "all inclusive." In actuality, it can only see one side of a person at a time. In order for a mirror to be effective in reflecting a whole person, it must join with four other mirrors to take in a whole person.

In my life time, I have been defined by a variety of different names & descriptions: good girl, good student, good person, mean, dramatic, analytical, critical, spoiled, tom boy, black, christian, bougie, and the list goes on. It doesn't bother me that I am a christian and a sinner, or emotional, yet emotionally detached, or silly and serious; It bothers me that most people will always only see me through one mirror.

By no means am I suggesting that I have a view that sees people more in-depth. I'm just posing the issue of image and how important it is to decide, which person you would like to show. Do you wear your business face when you are meeting a stranger, or your most loving face? Who do you want people to see when they see the only side of you that is exposed?

Just like a mirror, people will only take one glance to take in a person. They look once to draw their first conclusion, and look longer to fill in the blanks. They search over your beauty and imperfections to find someone like or unlike them. The only difference between the mirror and the person is that the mirror can only reflect what's in front of them. People can dig and turn a pimple into acne, and a smile into a philanthropist.

I would prefer that people Mirror View.Me, meaning I want people to take me in for what they see as being parts of a whole. I want people to take in all of me before making a conclusion and whether in a glance or study, I want people to see me. I think with this, It's important that I know who I am and what I am reflecting.

Self-analysis is an important part of being well-rounded and honest. A person should be able to take in their entire self and love that person before they can judge or love another. I'm working on completing my image. In the end, I would hope that you like what you see, but more importantly, that the four images come together to make a whole person.