My Review on Pregnancy: Part I

"The topic of pregnancy can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. During my process, I knew of several women who began this journey, but did not share the same experiences. Although some of them may remember their experience with laughter and joy, some of them may remember it in grief and sorrow. I just want to honor those women that experienced loss with my condolences and understanding.

'There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.' - Faces of Hope"

Some of you may be asking, “Can you write a review on Pregnancy?” I’m not exactly sure, although that’s exactly what I intend to do. I believe that after 10 months of pregnancy (YES, 10 whole months), I have become an expert on “my pregnancy” and do not claim to be an expert on anyone else’s. I've been asked several times about my experience, so this is just my overview.

Discovering the Plus Sign

One Sunday, on the way to church, my husband and I had that conversation that I imagine some couples may or may not have when Aunt Flow does is late for her arrival. He says, “Did she come yet?” I say, “No, I think I’m going to have to check her flight.” He says, “Ok, well let’s do that.”

After we get to church I suddenly realize that I’m hungry and tell him that I am going to grab some breakfast. He nods, unsuspectedly, and I hurry of to grab some breakfast, after making a pit stop to the convenience store. Let’s just say that along with breakfast, I received the most shocking, beautiful, scary, wonderful news ever.

It’s clear from this story that I’m extremely patient.  So, after staring at my news with my mouth wide open for ‘who knows how long,’ I shared the news with my husband (who just happened to be in a meeting) via text message. Who shortly replied, ‘It’s game time.’ And so it began. . .

1^ST Trimester

I’m not sure if this is a rational fear for all women who have never been pregnant or just the women I know BUT prior to “discovering the plus sign,” I wasn’t sure I would be able to get pregnant. Maybe women are just engrained to worry or again, maybe that’s just me. I was so afraid of not being able to conceive that I did little to prevent it. This coupled with being only two months into marriage, left my husband and I a little unprepared.

So, if I were to describe my first trimester, I was gripped with worry. Thankfully, I had afternoon and evening sickness to accompany my morning sickness, which help put things into perspective. Someone described the first trimester as the part of pregnancy where you feel the most pregnant, yet no one seems to notice. I can understand the sentiment, although waddling has a way of making you feel pretty pregnant.

We tried to keep the news to ourselves for the first three months, as some suggest, but in some cases I had to share. For example, as a social worker, you have to have some pretty tough skin, which prior to pregnancy was more than doable.

Early on, I remember sitting at a desk, reading an e-mail with tears streaming down my face. Why you might ask? I honestly don’t know. I just remember not liking what they wrote and feeling the sudden urge to cry hysterically. I knew it was bad when I couldn't stop and consider responding to the e-mail in the most erratic way possible. At that point, I thought that it would be best to tell my supervisor about my current state. At least that way, someone could talk my down from the keyboard.

I remember one day I made it all the way to work and as soon as I turned into the parking lot, I opened the door and threw up. So, I called my supervisor, told her today wasn’t a good day for me, and drove right back home.

These experiences, along with excessive bathroom use, coming from everywhere, made my 1^st trimester challenging and memorable. Yet, this time also brought us the first heartbeat, which is the most amazing sound I have ever heard. It brought hopes and dreams of a future and fears of the potential hurt this child will be faced with. It made me feel alive. It forced me to have faith and trust God that his will would be done regardless of me. It was a humbling experience.  I had to accept that I was at his mercy and no matter what, he would make everything okay. 

(To be continued . . .)