The Ups & Downs: Emotional Balancing

Life has been some what of a balancing game for me. It's filled with ups & downs, in which "ups" often blind me of everything that happened in the "downs" and downs often torture me with all the memories of my "ups".

As I get older I realize that the only thing you don't have to work for is "downs." They come, whether you want them to or not. They can ruin your day, your week, your year, or your life. "Ups" can be worked towards, but they aren't always a reward for something awesome you did, yet they're not guaranteed. Ups can be a good job, good spouse, good food, I mean really it can be anything.

Life is filled with both the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly.

So, if you can't avoid "downs" and "ups" come and go. . . how do we survive this life?

I personally feel this question shares the same answer as the key to high life satisfaction: Optimism, Joy, Happiness, Peace, Faith in something beyond you (Goodness, God, etc.), etc. It's learning to appreciate the ups without forgetting how you got there and staying positive during the downs, as well as hopeful that another up will come. This is what Balance is to me. Balance is staying grounded, no matter what the weather outside looks like.

When I was younger, I always heard people say "If it's not one thing, it's the other." For the past 2 months I've been looking for a new job, while also trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. The only thing that I was sure I wanted, was stability and money (Of Course). During this time of unemployment, things got REAL. After a month, despite the fact that it was the holiday season, I was frustrated that I had no real leads. I was thinking how horrible life was and how all I wanted was a job and then life would be perfect, but then I began to think 'Well, what happens when I get a job. . . then won't something else have to go bad.'

I really hope no one else thinks like me because honestly, it's quite tiring.

So anyways, I got a temp job (WHICH WAS AWESOME) and then about two weeks later, I got an offered a full-time job (YES!) and (OF COURSE) I accepted. Now, life is great right!? Yes, it is actually, but after getting highly peeved today it further occurred to me that happiness/joy/peace or "ups" are optional. When something challenges my ups, I have a choice to allow myself to go down with my "downs" or let those negative emotions keep it rolling. Dwelling in sorrow is a dangerous tango.

I choose not to partake. As hard as it is, I'm choosing to stay grounded. I'm grateful for two jobs now because I remember when I had none, and when the downs do come, I'm bidding them adieu, just as quick as I say hello.

Downs are inevitable. Ups come and go. Balance, Peace, and Joy is optional.

Choose wisely.

Attention Whores Anonymous

“There are so many attention whores out there, prostituting for people's acknowledgment” 
― Jason Myers, The Mission

This could totally just be me but are we not growing into a society of deprived attention whores? In introspection, I realize that even I, once quiet-natured and nearly invisible, have begun to allow how many likes, follows, and views I receive govern my self-worth. Was the world always like this or is this truly a product of the age of social networking?

It all started in good fun. Creating a profile "All about you" was a way to show the world who you are but when did we get to the point that we even thought people cared. For dating, it makes sense. . . it's like romantic advertisement, but does it work the same for who you want to be friends with?

I guess the real question is: Is it right for it to work the same for who you want to be friends with? Clearly, it does. I have "FB Stalked" hundreds of people for little to no reason at all "just because" and in some cases, their profile sometimes made me think "Hey, they seem like they would be a really cool person to be friends with." On the contrary, I have run across FB pages that made me re-think relationships that had already been established in real life. It's just the power of social media.

As an outsider, I like being able to go to a page "All about you" and gather information to make conclusions about you as a person. Yet, for the one making the page, isn't it narcissistic to create a whole website centered around you for no purpose other than to . . .  well, talk about you? 

To be completely honest, this post has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the fact that I realize that I am now an attention whore. I take pictures, whose only purpose is to function as a profile picture. I find stuff that I like and immediately post to see how many other people will like it to. I write blogs that I think other people will find interesting so they thing that I'm deep and introspective (which I am). I am a complete attention whore. 

My question is. . . when does it end? Is there hope for a generation that is defined by how many virtual friends that they have? Does social media leave people as either in or out, with no in-between? I don't know the answers to any of these questions but I do think that I need help developing a rubric for "Signs of a potential Attention Whore." Maybe it will help, maybe it won't.

I realize that sometimes that one like by that special someone can make your day. . . or that random re-tweet can make you feel like your words have value. . . but what happens when no one likes it? Does that qualify you as unimportant or un-pretty?

I guess the other option is for none of us to care what anyone thinks and have little to no impact on anyone's life. Hmmm. . . that just doesn't sound as cool. Ahhh Well. . . 

AWA Out.

God-Break

Recently, I have been experiencing this feeling of impending doom, which can be applied to my relationship with my significant other, God. . . life. Ironically, this feeling has come at a point in my life where I am beginning to feel like God wants me to move. . . and I don't want to. I mean, it's not exactly like anything has happened to me directly to make me feel this way. Nor has anyone told me that this is what I need to do. I just know. It's like this pull that let's you know exactly who it is and what you need to do, without any action or words.

This scares me.

At some point in life, I welcomed this "all-knowing" feeling but now it's freaking me out. Like seriously. It's causing me to ignore God, start fights, cry, violently seclude myself and all of the other things that emotionally irrational people do.

So, when in doubt. "Slap thyself."

Well, not exactly. I did realize that I need to get to the bottom of this issue. This feeling was no where to be found prior to this call from a "higher power." Yet, as soon as I started to recognize that God was involved and slowly drawing me in. . .I began to hyperventilate. So my question is "What am I afraid of?"

This is the question that I have no answer to but I do know how to find out. I need to be alone. . .with God. After talking it out, seeking counsel, and having a few fits, I realized that the one thing that I know always works is spending time alone with God. This can be done with fasting or as a form of meditation, but at the end of the day its me recognizing that I can't always accomplish what I need to with someone else. There are somethings that can only be addressed with Him.

Some times I jump from Facebook to Twitter, friend to friend, hang-out to hang-out, all to escape a feeling. Whether that be fear, emptiness, self-hate, or whatever, sometimes being alone is just the thing I need to do to address it. There are many times in my life when choosing to be alone with God was the difference between self-discovery and self-destruction.

I can't say this is something that I do often BUT it is something that has always worked for me. So, with that being said I'm taking three days to figure out this fear and pressing task that has been placed on me. Pray for me.

I'll let you know how that goes when I get back!