The Crazy Things I Do For Love

"When love is not madness, it is not love." - Pedro Calderon de la Barca

Over the span of my life, I have been in 3 official relationships (4 if you include the "unofficial" one) and more if you include (which I don't) the "in-betweens". These experiences have been both good and bad but BOTH the good AND the bad, have helped to shape the woman that I am today. After each relationship, I knew exactly what I wanted and what I didn't want in a partner. So, after my last relationship, as one would imagine, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted in "The One."

So much so, that I told God (Yes, I actually told God) EXACTLY what I wanted. On top of what I wanted, I added that I didn't want to date ANYONE who was not it. IN ADDITION TO THAT, I told God that I DID NOT WANT the acquaintance that just recently re-surfaced in my life. Especially, not him.

It wasn't that I didn't like him or wasn't attracted to him. I mean I didn't look at him "like that", nor did I know him well enough to think anything about his personality. I just remember thinking about how messed up I was and how I didn't want to be responsible for messing someone else up. I remember hanging out with him for the first time and thinking about how exhilaration it was. After recognizing the symptoms of falling, I did what I thought was best by fervently prayed against it.

With that, I pleaded with God. I prayed that he would only be a friend. JUST a friend. I was adamant about this because I was so just so tired of the "in-betweens," "almosts," and "Coudashouldawouldas." I felt like with all that I wanted, I couldn't risk falling for someone that I would potentially hurt with all my brokenness. As mentioned previously: I was a mess.

Well, you could imagine my surprise when after a few weeks (or a week. I don't really remember the exact timing) of hanging out, he asked me on a date. I almost died, I was so shocked. CRAZY THING #1: I accepted the date. At this point in my life, I wasn't even interested in anyone. I wasn't even trying to go there. I was kinda hoping that even if we did go on a date, there would still be hope for escape back into the loving arms of friendship. I was thinking, "One date shouldn't completely kill the hopes of friendship, right?"

This is usually where my best friend would say "Woman. You know he's going to fall in love," and I would laugh it off and life would proceed as normal. Not this time.

CRAZY THING #2: I fell quick. I just remember the day he came into my life (again). Everything that once seemed like a raging storm became as quite and peaceful as snow fall in a calm winter night. It was almost magical how everything changed. I remember feeling like the there was no hope left in the world and then everything just made sense. So much so, that even my friends noticed and commented on the change. This is something that I just don't do. Every other relationship took years to establish. With him. . . not so much.

CRAZY THING #3: I put it ALL on the table. I felt so deeply about this man, I told him EVERYTHING. This may not mean a lot to everyone but let's just say my closest friends don't know EVERYTHING.I don't like sharing my inner most thoughts and feeling, nor do I like sharing everything I've ever been through with everyone. Everyone doesn't understand everything. Another girl with intimacy issues, go figure. Long story short, he got the full picture quick and with full detail.

CRAZY THING #4: I put down my shield and waited for him to judge me. I can count my moments of pure vulnerability with anyone on one hand and this man came into my life for less than a month before I took down the fence, let the dogs run free, and fired all the guards. I let him in. All the way in.

CRAZY THING #5: I gave him ALL my time. People didn't see me anymore. . . and if they did. . . he was there too. CRAZY THING #6: I sacrificed my power to him. I mean, he didn't start telling me when to use the bathroom BUT for the FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. . . I felt 100% comfortable with another human being's judgment. Even when I didn't feel 100% comfortable, I still felt like I would give it a try because I trusted his decisions. I have trust issue, but with him you couldn't tell.

CRAZY THING #7: I sacrifice being comfortable for him. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not do. . . PDA (Public Displays of Affection). No hand holding. No hugging. No nothing. Not only do I not do PDA but I don't do anything I don't want to. Not the case here. I love being close to him, no matter whether we are alone or among a billion people. He makes it all worth it. On top of that, I want to (for the most part) participate in the things he likes JUST BECAUSE.

Is that nauseating or what?

It didn't take long for me to recognize that I was in love. The last CRAZY THING #8 is that I don't give up on him. I mean sometimes I try but that is where he holds it together. My motto: "When things get tough. . . get going." With all that I've been through, I would willingly abandon ship at any sign or turmoil. He has helped me see that there is another way.

Apparently, I've met my match. . . and that is worth every sacrifice that I've had to make. In other relationships, I thought they were "it", so I did "Crazy things" to hold it together. In this case, I do "Crazy Things" or things outside of my comfort zone because of love. Love is God's greatest gift, which is fully worth the "Crazy."

Even through disagreements and battles, I know that he is the only one I want to fight with. He is the only one I want to do crazy things for. He is the only one I love.

Feel free to share some of the crazy things you do for love!

Until next time. . . THINK.HAPPY.THOUGHTS