Something New

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” 

― Mahatma Gandhi

I can't really describe how I feel at this point in life. By "point," I mean like this very second, as in "right now" as I sit on my bed and write this blog. In summary, I think I'm all of the emotions together. I'm happy, excited, angry, frustrated, tired, alert, annoyed, disturbed, content, and yea. . . the list goes on. 

I wonder if this is how everyone feels when they're in transition to something new. I feel like I'm just waiting to get somewhere, kind of like when you are on a bus, train, or plane (whatever your preferred means of transportation) and you begin staring off into the window. In those moments it's like everything stops, so you have just enough time to reflect on where you've been and where you are going. You know you're getting closer, but you're not there yet. Although, in these moments, I always wish I was there. At least for the sake of knowing what is to come, if not anything else.

I'm anxious to be transitioning to something new. In addition to something old, something borrowed, and something blue. I'm anxious to be in unfamiliar territory. I'm fearful of the unknown. What is married life going to be like? What will my career look like? What does being a mother feel like?. . . and Will I be good or at least "Okay" at ANY of these things.

You just don't know.

Today, my fiance and I were speaking to the young adults in our youth group about what was going on in their lives and it seemed like a lot of them had their minds on their own transitions. One person, in particular, seemed to feel a lot like I feel about marriage, my career, and everything else, about transitioning from High School into "Adult life".

It took me back to when I was 18 and I didn't know what was to come. I didn't know if I was going to make it into college. I didn't know if I would make it out. I didn't know if I was going to stay with my High School sweetheart. I just didn't know.

The cool thing about life is that sometimes the unknown holds pleasant surprises. When I was 18, for example, although I really wanted to go to UGA, I ended up going to Spelman College and it was one of the BEST things that has ever happened to me. Memories like these remind me that something new can be just as exciting, as it is scary but it can be just what the doctor ordered. 

So now I'm preparing for something new. I expect that God has something great in store and I'm hoping that I'm strong enough to be great along with it. I'm trusting that the desires of my heart are whispers of God's heart and clues to my direction and purpose. I guess I have high expectations, but Hey. . . they haven't failed me yet! (Or I just can't remember when. . . so it doesn't count)

Either way, it's a learning process. Life is filled with moments that define your dash. I want my dash to say I lived life to it's fullest extent, with dignity, courage, and wisdom. . . and with guidance. So, I'm moving forward. 

Wish me luck on my something new. ;)