“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.” - Dale E. Turner quotes
What is in a word? One can conclude there is a lot in a word, while others may conclude the opposite. I think it depends on the formula you use. Society, Context, The "Reciever," and the "Deliverer" all have a part in adding or reducing the value of words. For instance, the word "nigger" may mean nothing at all to someone in Japan, but what if that word is exchanged between two Americans strangers, one white and one black, during a heated debate at a grocery store in Georgia. Take that same word and put it between friends of the same race, culture, and origin and you may get a different value.
Words mean nothing without the meaning behind it, yet they can mean everything with it.
Recently, my word has been "sorry." It's ironic how we spend most of our lives analyzing what people have done to us, never really addressing what we do to people. Whether intentional or unintentional, I don't know one person who has never offended someone. In my case, there were several. There were several people in my life that I've had a negative encounter with, that I did/do not know the effect that encounter may have had on their lives.
This bothers me.
As a person who has been deeply hurt by people in the past, I can't live with the idea that someone may STILL be hurting because of what I did to them. Even if I feel its unjustly so, or they had fault in it as well, it just doesn't feel right to not, at least, attempt to make peace when you know someone is still hurting because of you.
So with all that, I set out this year to settle my debts. More specifically, there were three women who I have encountered over the past 6 years that I've felt could have been negatively effected by something I did. In two of these cases, I didn't feel that I did anything wrong but I knew these women could potentially still have negative feelings towards me. Either way, I felt it necessary to reach out, apologize, and open the door for dialogue.
Of course, in the back of my mind I was also considering that: this person may be completely over it and I am just kicking up old wounds by bringing it back to their attention OR this person may hate me so much they don't respond or worse, they do.
With all that taking into consideration. . . I still did it. This has been a growing experience for me. In one case, I had an old friend write a response about how they generally didn't care about me and a lot of things. (Yea, that's pretty much EXACTLY what she said.) While in the other two cases, I'm waiting for nothing or to get ripped a new one. . . fun stuff.
Would I do it again? Totally.
I think forgiveness or repentance is a two part process. Just because one person either forgives or repents, it doesn't mean the other person has to accept. I think it's a separate journey for both individual people, which means everyone isn't always going to meet up at the same place.
Regardless, I think it's necessary. I think it's necessary because people want to hear or know that those who have hurt them feel some kind of remorse, whether that's a secret or open desire. For me, I had to consider my own feelings. There is not one person who has ever hurt me deeply that I would not appreciate an apology from. I mean, I don't loose any sleep over it, but if anyone of them ever reached out to say sorry, I would appreciate that.
For me, this was a humbling experience. I hope that for the people I've reached out to, this creates a space where healing can begin or closure can be achieved. I hope for those reading this, that you may be encouraged to try to right your wrongs as well. Despite the fact that I was not rewarded for this with a parade and confetti, I feel better knowing that I have made an attempt to give someone the right to closure, understanding, and peace.
I don't know, just something to do I guess. :)
Think.Happy.Thoughts.
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