Time is a Terrible Thing to WASTE!

“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”

Okay Ladies & Gentlemen, here is a lesson on the inner workings of me. Not that you all have to care or anything but just in case you do. . . Here goes it! Time is one of the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS to me on this planet. Seems weird to find such value in something that we all -- me included-- take for granted. . . but I do.

The reason why I think time is so freaking awesome is because everything happens in time, everyone knows about time, but no one can really completely harness the idea. Por Ejemplo, we have hours and minutes and days, but they are all human constructs, which don't really mean anything to anyone but us. Just another way that we human beings seem to set out to control the things that we really have no control over.

The mysteries of time, like the idea of other dimensions or different levels of aging and the history of the world, earth, universe; are all very cool to think about but in it's simplest form time has it's ups and downs. One being that, you never know what you will be allowed to do with your time or when you time is up. . . which leads to one of my biggest PEEVES.

Wasting my time.

I hate when people waste my time. I may be a little bit of a control freak but it seems like for every second that someone delays in my plans. . . a piece of my love for them dies. Call me extreme, but I don't like waiting for people who don't seem to care that thier delays cause inconveniences in the lives of others.

I think I feel so strongly about this because I know that usually when I'm late, it's because I: a. procrastinated or b. Didn't care. It could also be that my family is late to everything, like literally, everything. It's very rare that I am trying very hard to get somewhere on time and I'm still late; therefore, tardiness can be a sign of poor planning or disinterest.

On the flip side, they're are the time managers. People that always have a suggestion for what you should do with your time, life. . . day; overall, they are annoying. I feel like when I ask for advice, the sentence usually goes like, "I really have no idea what to do. . ." I really don't need a suggestion for every part of my life because some of it. . .I've thought about.

Regardless, Time is a terrible thing to waste, so pay attention to where your time goes. Don't give all your time to things that don't contribute to something positive in your life. At the same time, Don't forget to stop and smell the roses. One can over plan.

Just remember to be mindful of how important your time is, so not to look back on life and think that you wasted it.

Ok. . . I'm done. Back to life, I go!

"No Good Black Men" & Other lies they told you

It is all too often that I am faced with this widely accepted concept of the "No Good Black Man," and other lies I've been told since I was a child like "Good Hair" & "Ugly Dark Skin". I don't find it necessary to get into the argument on who writes the stats or the history books, just to shine some light for my sisters who seemed to have lost their way. With a little inspiration from a friend and some research, I felt like I needed to put some information out there about this idea that there is "No Good Black Man," as well as raise the idea that its 2011 people. . . Do we really still need to be having race talks about dating or should we be tackling the issues about how to level the playing field to grant everyone a fight chance?

My vote is for the latter, but seeing that the conversation is still continuing. Here is my piece on the myth of a "No Good Black Man."

History 101:

For those of us that were not privileged, in this lifetime, to attend a prestigious HBCU, or for those of us who have forgotten or never knew, let me enlighten you: Black people did not just wake up one day and decide to come to America. There was no "Hey honey! I think we should go to America today, how does that sound?"It went a little more like "I'll take two of those big black ones, and that little one right there." Which is honestly, a way nicer depiction of what happened in real life.

If they made it over the long ship ride, piled on top of each other for months, they were stripped down and sold to work. Long story short, Men were used for hard labor, women were used for the same labor, child bearing, and sex, and children were separated from their parents and grown to be used in the same way. The "No Good Black Man" was bred with the best women to make strong children. This ended, with the emergence of the 13th amendment 146 years ago. That's about two lifetimes and a couple generations ago, yet slavery lasted from somewhere in the 1600's to 1865. After that, the people that enslaved the "No Good Black Man" continued to take away rights with subjection to poorer schools, jail, Jim Crow laws, not being able to vote and the list goes on. . .

146 years was a long time ago though right. . .

Wrong. Martin Luther King was still fighting for injustices left from that era in the 60's and Malcom X was still fighting for those same things around the same time, but I guess when they died, the problem did too. So now we can compare the Black Men to the white men, who spent a good 400 to 500 years oppressing Black people, poor people, or different people in general for that matter. Not even. The strength, pain, and indecency molded the Black men with a sense of superiority that no man will ever have for me. Everything that they tried to take from him, and he yet stands is a tribute to resiliency and what it means to be a man.

Unfortunately, that essence is stripped by poverty, over-sexuality, crime, and the list goes on, but Black women can't argue that our history has it tainted us in the same vain. We battle being over-sexualized, mothers to children by different men, well-fare dependent, and single. So, I'm miss where we got to where we could point the finger.

How does this apply to the can't get right "No Good Black Man"?

Well, black women are now in a position were they feel they should date outside of their race, which to me, isn't a problem at all. I believe in living and loving happy to whomever that may be. What I don't believe in, is the argument that Black women are switching to white men because its a better alternative. Says who? I guess this Black woman who wrote on '8 reasons to date a white man' says white men are better than black men for these reasons [http://madamenoire.com/22660/8-reasons-to-date-a-white-man-30188/]


"Well, the Black family structure is messed up and Black men are looking for someone to take care of them." The Black family structure was destroyed by the people you're now suggesting as the better option, which is your family structure as well. I'm not downing another races, just stating facts. The same detrimental effects that it has caused in Black men, it's caused in Black women and running away from it is not fixing anything. The effect on Black women was either creating gold diggers, Government aid junkies, or overtly independent women. I don't see how we can argue a case against white men over Black men for Black women and not argue for white women over Black women for Black men, as well.



"Attend and Graduate from College." Ummm. . . yea. White men can get into college way easier, as well as get money from their parents to go. Women, in general, attend and graduate from college in any race, so I guess that's a plea for same-sex relationships. . . I'm just saying. This is especially ridiculous.



"At least attempt to marry before making babies." So, has she not seen all the white girls with white boys on 16 & pregnant. There are a whole lot of white girls out there that are probably thinking, "Really!?" The finally decision on the baby is usually the womens'. I would like to argue that Black women are more likely to have a baby out of wed lock than Black men are running around trying to make babies that, according to this lady, they can't support.



My Conclusion. . .

Don't be ignorant. Don't choose love or not choose love over skin colors and at the very least don't self-hate. It's just not rational. From a Black woman to a Black women, I love good black men (& yes ladies, they do exist). I love them because, like me, their skin tells the story of triumph through adversity and the ability to over-come. They have been pushed down and look down upon by everyone for the past 400 to 500 and being that I have Black men as brother, friends, and a father, I'm not going to be the one to add to that.

. . . And please, get over the Black man and white woman thing. If a Black man wants to date a white woman, What does that have to do with you? You're obviously not his type and clearly it would have worked out. You swearing or Black men is probably the same thing he did with Black women. So, just worry about your happiness and move on.

Whether the next man I date is Black, white, Hispanic, or bi-racial, I will always up-lift Black men because it's a part of lifting up Black people. It's not an us versus them thing, it's we thing. One thing, we do have is a sense of community and No matter who you have your children with, they're going to be Black. Just something to consider.

We also tend to age a little bit better. . . I'm just saying.

Happy Dating!

My 10 Must Haves in a Man

Okay ladies & gents, this is just for fun, which means don't judge me. Although, by reading my blog, you are technically supporting the madness that is me. Thanks!

So, I was sitting down thinking about what attracts men to me. Seems like an odd sequence of thoughts but I'm odd. I tried to consider the men in my life from the past, present and potential guys to come and find a common theme of "Why are these type of men attracted to me?".

I can't say that they are bad men, because a lot of them are good in different ways. Either with credentials or a great personality but why me? This lead me to a few theories. . .

The first consideration was my best friend's "Theory of Rejection." She said the reason men like me is because they like the rejection. If I were nice to them, then they wouldn't like me. I do agree that we want what we can't have but I wouldn't say I'm mean per say. Maybe a little direct and straight forward, but definitely not mean. Although I can be a little distant.

My theory is that, between the clothes that you wear and company you keep, people make assumptions as to whether they can see themselves with you or not. It doesn't have to make sense to everyone, just that person. Once that decision is made then the "courting begins."

In my experience, I meet a lot of great guys but I've only been in two official relationships and one long unofficial relationship, which either means I have a commitment issue or that I just haven't found "the one". Yet, the theme remains the same, the guy tricks me into falling in love and then I'm trapped until the potion wears off. I'm beginning to think that I'm not the "girlfriend" type. If left unprovoked, I would probably remain single for the rest of my life. This causes me to question what kind of provoking leads me into this trap, that I call love.

So I made a list of the top 10 thing I HAVE to HAVE in a man. It's kinda like my way of telling myself what I'm looking for or what I should just stop at the first knock. If you're a woman that's never written a list or at least thought about the qualities your ideal man should have, then you should definitely try it out. If anything, it will be interesting to see how your "true love" actually measures up, but in retrospect its helpful to gage what men you should allow in and what men you should keep out.

10. Love-ability

This is something that I'm adding because I didn't know how important it was until I didn't have it. It's important for a man to have the ability to love and be loved. This is for all the guys that have never been in love or are somewhat incapable of love. This is something that I can't live without, eventually I want to be able to express my love for someone that I've built a relationship with. So, phrases like "I'm not looking for anything serious" are a red flagged HELL NO.

9. Loyalty

UMMMMM. . . DUH. Somewhat of a no-brainer. I think Loyalty has two components, one being the ability to stick to something and the other being truthful. This is kind of a big deal.

8. Ability to Communicate

If you've ever been with a guy that can't communicate, then you know it's pretty much a deal breaker. I won't necessarily say that someone has to come into a relationship reading minds BUT at least have the capacity and desire to learn. This is a two-way street though, so you can't ask for communication and not be ready to sit down and work every little issue out.

7. Compassion

Compassion is on my list because I'm a tad bit of a cry-baby and have been referred to, as such on many different occasions. It is something that I need so that I don't feel insane! Just someone, who says, "it's going to be okay" and not "it's really not that big of a deal".

6. Flexibility

The ability to change, move, and grow is my idea of flexibility. I think it comes with being a well-rounded person and because I can be a little high strung at times. I need some one to add some spontaneity, as well as be able to shift with or counter-balance my many moods.

5. Attractive

Needless to say, the reason why this is in the middle of my list is because it's kind of a big deal. I'm not going to lie and say "No, as long as he has a good personality then I'm down for the cause." A good personality will get you in the door but being attractive is the "win over." I don't know if this is shallow, as much as it is real. If you aren't attractive to a person then it makes it difficult to move from friend to "friend."

4. Intelligence

Okay, I'm not that shallow because the next four top everything on my list. Not saying that I can have a man without loyalty, compassion, or anything else before this; just saying that these are game changers/deal breakers. I wouldn't classify myself as even close to the most intelligent person, but I can say that I love to talk and I love to learn. A man that can teach me something is inadvertently sexy. Sarcasm is a major bonus!

3. Humor

I love to laugh! I can't really go too much deeper here. I love to laugh and a funny guy trumps attractiveness. . . to a certain degree.

2. Ambition

Why is this number 2!? I'll tell you why, the most unattractive thing about any human being is someone who lacks ambition or passion. A man who has a dream and is working to get to those dreams is one of the sexiest, most attractive men in my book. The worst thing is someone just sitting and watching life go by, doing things that don't add to your life. It bothers me and its very unattractive. So, whether it's school, work, family, etc. You have to be trying to get somewhere.

1. Relationship with God

First and Foremost, the man of my dreams has a relationship with God. This is important for several different reasons. One being that God is important to me, so being with someone who doesn't understand that is kind of a waste of my time. The second reason that it's important to me, is because I need someone who knows how to build me up. Its hard to go through something where you would normally pray and not be able to do that with the one you love most. It's also difficult trying to stay on track when you are connected with someone who isn't even connected to the same railroad.

DOES THIS MAN EXIST!? No idea, but if I does, I hope he shows himself before I'm 30 lol