Marriage & Friendships

So, apparently when you get married . . . your friendships change. Who knew? I mean, this may seem clearly obvious to some people but this concept was not that obvious to this girl. Who, might I add, I think is pretty darn smart.

I’ve been thinking about how things change when people get into relationships and have come to the conclusion that marriage is like . . .the ultimate friendship breaker or maintainer. It’s like any friend that your spouse doesn’t really care for, or that just can’t seem to fit into your newly found joint schedule could potentially become “you remember that one person.”

This, to me at least, is unfortunate because I hate losing people. I think in most cases, you get to keep your really important friends, but what those relationships look like, will most likely change.

When I was in high school, I stayed on the phone until 6 AM with my two best friends almost every night. When I got into my first relationship, it’s seemed easy enough (to me, of course) to maintain my relationship with both of my best friends. One of them, I was dating, and the other was my girl Best friend, who I am still best friends with today. All-in-all, things changed but nothing major. Right?

Ehh.

I may not have openly recognized the change but my girl best friend did. I remember her saying, “I just feel like the third wheel.” I always thought it was weird because we all did the same exact thing, or at least in my mind we did. In reality, WE all changed. He and I flirted, held hands, and ran off to be alone, which wasn’t anything like what we did before. In response to us, she began looking for a relationship and no too long after we drifted.

 The only way things could be the same is if we all dated. . . and since that wasn’t going to happen (despite his efforts lol ::insider::), the relationship had to change.

Now that I’m a “grown up,” I’m coming to grips with what a husband will mean in relation to my friendships. As always, it’s my best friend who helps me to realize the things I refuse to acknowledge without a fight.

She helps by saying things like, “No, it’s okay. We can get off the phone. He’ll be your husband soon, so I have to get use to that. J” She’s not upset or anything. She’s actually extremely happy for us. She just does it out of respect for our relationship. It’s just something about the way she says it that makes me feel like “the end is near.”

Then I think, well what about all of my other relationships!? If my best friend and I won’t talk as much, what will happen to my other relationships!? What about my guy friends!? What about my single friends!? What about all my FRIENDS!????

Maybe I’m spazzing out a little (Just a little) but these are my real life thoughts.

From what I’m beginning to “understand,” my relationships WILL change and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a part of growing older and more together . . . all at the same time. I think you should make every good attempt to maintain your relationships but I think that the people who last, change with you.

In the hierarchy of things, your husband becomes your partner in the front part of the two-seat roller-coaster of life. You guys will go through everything together . . . kids, ups, downs, maybe some more kids, and other things (You like how well-versed I am in marriage lingo? ;p) Either way, your friends are UBER important, but that whole spouse thing takes the cake every time.

With that being said. . . I don’t plan on losing any of my friends. I just hope that everyone understands that our friendship may not look the same. I’m sure he’ll work with me while we’re figuring it out.

Live.OUT.Loud

Becoming Bridezilla

 

When I was younger, I knew several girls who seem to have their whole wedding planned out. From their dress to the favors to the guest list, all they needed was the groom to complete the picture perfect vision of pure bliss and matrimony. In my opinion, these girls were psychotic.

Harsh? Ehh, I mean . . .how you gonna plan your whole wedding day and think that your future husband will have no opinion or say in the whole thing? How do you even have time to focus on a wedding day and you still don’t have a man? I always thought that my wedding would be something that I would worry about when the day came. Actually, I never thought of it, which makes that last statement a lie.  Of course, this was a very strong and acceptable opinion held by my old self.

My new, happily engaged, but stressed out from wedding planning self, thinks a little differently about the girls who are yet and still single, but have no questions about their day. There was a point in life when I talked about those girls. . . and now. . . sadly enough, I envy them. To add insult to injury, I encourage every single woman that I meet to plan ahead, despite how crazy they may think it is. I image it would be a lot less stressful for them, than what’s going on with me right now.

Now, not only do I understand why a little early planning is not crazy, I also understand the science behind becoming bridezilla.

I never in my life thought that I would be the type of bride that was short, angry, and hard to please but slowly yet surely I’m beginning to see the horns growing. Despite the fact that I have no idea what I want in all of this, I only have roughly 3 months to plan. Some may argue that that’s my choice BUT I would like to argue that I am just trying to do what feels “right” to me.

My fiance, then boyfriend at the time, and I prayed coming into 2012 and one of the things that were clear as day to us was that God was going to allow us to be exposed to everything that he had in store for us in the future. So far, we have made business plans, music, graphics, worked in ministry, like-minded communities, mentored, did a little speaking, and have heard rave revues for confirmation that we were in the right place.

All of these things that we’ve been exposed to, were new to us yet seem to perfectly fit into our God-given purpose. When he proposed to me on July 27, 2012, we had every intention of getting married in April of 2013. That, of course, was until I started to get this anxious feeling about getting married in 2013, versus starting our covenant in the same year God blessed to be the beginning of many great things for us. When 2013 wouldn’t sit right with me, I talked to him about trying to make it work in 2012 and he was all for it.

EVERYONE OF COURSE (which is a part of my stress) keeps asking us “Why so soon?” To which we respond, 2012 was a really good year for us and we just wanted to keep it in 2012.

So anywho. . .

Here we are, planning to get married on November 24, 2012 and I am not the nicest person in the world. I think one of the biggest misconceptions that I had about getting married was that this whole thing was about me. WRONG. It’s not about me. It’s about family and friends who want to see you get married. This means that you get a second, third, and forth opinion about everything from where you can get married to who is on the guest list.

My question was, “Who’s putting in? Oh. . . not you. Hmm. . .”

I just feel like, IF in some alternate universe I could do whatever I wanted to do and no one would get offended, I would have a small wedding. My wedding would be in some small town with a few people that I adored, with a small reception before running off to some island and spending one-on-one time with the love of my life.

This plan doesn’t work for individuals, like me, with extremely large families and way too many friends. I’m not complaining. I’m totally blessed. My only issue is that if this truly was about me, I wouldn’t have to think about 300 other people that may possibly feel some type of way about my ideal wedding.

In general, this is potentially the beginning of me turning into a monster. Pray for me yall.

Plan ahead.

(Try to Think Happy Thoughts)

It's My Birthday. . .YAY!

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it." – Fyodor Dostoevsky 

 I want to start off by saying that this year has been AMAZING. I really don't know what advice to give (as far as re-producing an amazing year) but I will say that I think it had a lot to do with a change of heart, so to speak. Maybe even a change of mind . . . and soul.

What I do know, is that something happened to me when I started this journey back to myself and I'd image that anyone who felt lost should do the same. Walk backwards and start over.

Just to give a brief overview, about two years ago. . . I felt like my world was in shambles. So much so, that I ran away to a Christian Camp that I use to counsel at, just to breathe. Like life was just that bad, from a very difficult relationship, to a bad financial situation, to just about anything else I could imagine at the time. I sacrificed my freedom, essentially, to run away to the woods and spend time in ministry. That was 2010.

At this point in my life, it seems like a whole other lifetime. Yall, when I say I was broken into pieces. I was shattered. There was just so much going on. I felt so stuck in a body or life for that matter, that I could not escape from. The best way to describe it was in my post called Distorted Reflections, which in summary breaks down this feeling of living a life that was not my own.

In January of 2011, I made a decision to find myself. This decision was accompanied by this blog and a few promises to God and myself: (1) I shall Eat (Indulge), (2) I shall Pray (Reconnect with God), and (3) I shall Love (Learn to Love myself). Through 2011, I not only found God and myself, but Love also found me :). I finished 2011, feeling like I was coming out of fog.

This year has been an AMAZING year. A year, filled with life, love, and joy. 2012 has brought me a Fiance/Great Friend, a family that is beginning to pull itself back together, and friends who are coming into there own. 2012 has come with clarity in my purpose, ministry, vision, and stability. Man, 2012 has been great.

Why am I telling you about all this greatness!? Well, Today is my birthday and I am officially 25 years old. In my short life, I have been through some things and although I am more certain everyday I don't know everything. I do believe that I have learned a few things about how to find joy in your life. These are things, I want to share as a gift to you on my day.

The most important thing that I have learned in my 25 years of life (Don't laugh older people lol) is to never loose sight of who you are. For me, that means someone who can't breath without God, that means someone who desires purpose, and someone who has discovered now that her purpose is to positively impact the lives of others. When I went to find myself, I found my foundation and what really brought me joy and all the lies fell away.

Lies that I needed a man to validate me, or that I didn't need anyone because I was sufficient in myself. Lies that the world's standard was my own. I learned that the perfect balance between who I am and who God is, is all that I need to understand to move forward. I grew a lot.

So, my advice to you is: "When in doubt, Go back to the beginning." Right now, I'm enjoying my life more than I ever have before and I think it has everything to do with this process and understanding.

Thanks for Reading!

Live.Love.Laugh :)