31 Days until "I Do"

"One of the great illusions of our time is that love is self-sustaining. It is not. Love must be fed and nurtured, constantly renewed. That demands ingenuity and consideration, but first and foremost, it demands time." 

- David Mace

Tomorrow marks 31 days until "I Do" for me and my husband-to-be. As much as this time is the beginning of something, it's also the end of something too. It's the end of an era. A pretty rocky one, but an awesome one nonetheless. I'm embarking upon a new journey and not only me, but a whole other person with me. It's just a tad bit scary. 

I find myself collecting as much wisdom and words of advice as I can. Trying to figure out the tricks and prepare myself for the hard times. It's a very sobering time. Everything seems as if it is beginning to slow down and I am continuously contemplating questions like, "How does marriage work?," "How does it fail?," and "Is there anything I'm missing?" 

In a month, I won't have the same name. I will walk down the aisle and vow forever's and always into eternity. I'm just saying. . . this is some heavy stuff. One should really take some time to think about these things.

As final preparations are made on decorations, final touches are being made on my heart in preparation for "I do." I'm really hope that I'm a decent wife. I don't want to be an "over-achiever," just enough to get by. (just kidding). I hope that he's a good husband but I believe he will be. 

The waiting game begins. 

In efforts to not wait in vain I'm going to finish the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, as well as brush up on my marriage scriptures and Proverbs 31. If you have any words of advice or encouragement, please feel free to write in our guest book. It would be greatly appreciated :)

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Something New

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” 

― Mahatma Gandhi

I can't really describe how I feel at this point in life. By "point," I mean like this very second, as in "right now" as I sit on my bed and write this blog. In summary, I think I'm all of the emotions together. I'm happy, excited, angry, frustrated, tired, alert, annoyed, disturbed, content, and yea. . . the list goes on. 

I wonder if this is how everyone feels when they're in transition to something new. I feel like I'm just waiting to get somewhere, kind of like when you are on a bus, train, or plane (whatever your preferred means of transportation) and you begin staring off into the window. In those moments it's like everything stops, so you have just enough time to reflect on where you've been and where you are going. You know you're getting closer, but you're not there yet. Although, in these moments, I always wish I was there. At least for the sake of knowing what is to come, if not anything else.

I'm anxious to be transitioning to something new. In addition to something old, something borrowed, and something blue. I'm anxious to be in unfamiliar territory. I'm fearful of the unknown. What is married life going to be like? What will my career look like? What does being a mother feel like?. . . and Will I be good or at least "Okay" at ANY of these things.

You just don't know.

Today, my fiance and I were speaking to the young adults in our youth group about what was going on in their lives and it seemed like a lot of them had their minds on their own transitions. One person, in particular, seemed to feel a lot like I feel about marriage, my career, and everything else, about transitioning from High School into "Adult life".

It took me back to when I was 18 and I didn't know what was to come. I didn't know if I was going to make it into college. I didn't know if I would make it out. I didn't know if I was going to stay with my High School sweetheart. I just didn't know.

The cool thing about life is that sometimes the unknown holds pleasant surprises. When I was 18, for example, although I really wanted to go to UGA, I ended up going to Spelman College and it was one of the BEST things that has ever happened to me. Memories like these remind me that something new can be just as exciting, as it is scary but it can be just what the doctor ordered. 

So now I'm preparing for something new. I expect that God has something great in store and I'm hoping that I'm strong enough to be great along with it. I'm trusting that the desires of my heart are whispers of God's heart and clues to my direction and purpose. I guess I have high expectations, but Hey. . . they haven't failed me yet! (Or I just can't remember when. . . so it doesn't count)

Either way, it's a learning process. Life is filled with moments that define your dash. I want my dash to say I lived life to it's fullest extent, with dignity, courage, and wisdom. . . and with guidance. So, I'm moving forward. 

Wish me luck on my something new. ;)

Marriage & Friendships

So, apparently when you get married . . . your friendships change. Who knew? I mean, this may seem clearly obvious to some people but this concept was not that obvious to this girl. Who, might I add, I think is pretty darn smart.

I’ve been thinking about how things change when people get into relationships and have come to the conclusion that marriage is like . . .the ultimate friendship breaker or maintainer. It’s like any friend that your spouse doesn’t really care for, or that just can’t seem to fit into your newly found joint schedule could potentially become “you remember that one person.”

This, to me at least, is unfortunate because I hate losing people. I think in most cases, you get to keep your really important friends, but what those relationships look like, will most likely change.

When I was in high school, I stayed on the phone until 6 AM with my two best friends almost every night. When I got into my first relationship, it’s seemed easy enough (to me, of course) to maintain my relationship with both of my best friends. One of them, I was dating, and the other was my girl Best friend, who I am still best friends with today. All-in-all, things changed but nothing major. Right?

Ehh.

I may not have openly recognized the change but my girl best friend did. I remember her saying, “I just feel like the third wheel.” I always thought it was weird because we all did the same exact thing, or at least in my mind we did. In reality, WE all changed. He and I flirted, held hands, and ran off to be alone, which wasn’t anything like what we did before. In response to us, she began looking for a relationship and no too long after we drifted.

 The only way things could be the same is if we all dated. . . and since that wasn’t going to happen (despite his efforts lol ::insider::), the relationship had to change.

Now that I’m a “grown up,” I’m coming to grips with what a husband will mean in relation to my friendships. As always, it’s my best friend who helps me to realize the things I refuse to acknowledge without a fight.

She helps by saying things like, “No, it’s okay. We can get off the phone. He’ll be your husband soon, so I have to get use to that. J” She’s not upset or anything. She’s actually extremely happy for us. She just does it out of respect for our relationship. It’s just something about the way she says it that makes me feel like “the end is near.”

Then I think, well what about all of my other relationships!? If my best friend and I won’t talk as much, what will happen to my other relationships!? What about my guy friends!? What about my single friends!? What about all my FRIENDS!????

Maybe I’m spazzing out a little (Just a little) but these are my real life thoughts.

From what I’m beginning to “understand,” my relationships WILL change and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a part of growing older and more together . . . all at the same time. I think you should make every good attempt to maintain your relationships but I think that the people who last, change with you.

In the hierarchy of things, your husband becomes your partner in the front part of the two-seat roller-coaster of life. You guys will go through everything together . . . kids, ups, downs, maybe some more kids, and other things (You like how well-versed I am in marriage lingo? ;p) Either way, your friends are UBER important, but that whole spouse thing takes the cake every time.

With that being said. . . I don’t plan on losing any of my friends. I just hope that everyone understands that our friendship may not look the same. I’m sure he’ll work with me while we’re figuring it out.

Live.OUT.Loud