It's My Birthday. . .YAY!

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it." – Fyodor Dostoevsky 

 I want to start off by saying that this year has been AMAZING. I really don't know what advice to give (as far as re-producing an amazing year) but I will say that I think it had a lot to do with a change of heart, so to speak. Maybe even a change of mind . . . and soul.

What I do know, is that something happened to me when I started this journey back to myself and I'd image that anyone who felt lost should do the same. Walk backwards and start over.

Just to give a brief overview, about two years ago. . . I felt like my world was in shambles. So much so, that I ran away to a Christian Camp that I use to counsel at, just to breathe. Like life was just that bad, from a very difficult relationship, to a bad financial situation, to just about anything else I could imagine at the time. I sacrificed my freedom, essentially, to run away to the woods and spend time in ministry. That was 2010.

At this point in my life, it seems like a whole other lifetime. Yall, when I say I was broken into pieces. I was shattered. There was just so much going on. I felt so stuck in a body or life for that matter, that I could not escape from. The best way to describe it was in my post called Distorted Reflections, which in summary breaks down this feeling of living a life that was not my own.

In January of 2011, I made a decision to find myself. This decision was accompanied by this blog and a few promises to God and myself: (1) I shall Eat (Indulge), (2) I shall Pray (Reconnect with God), and (3) I shall Love (Learn to Love myself). Through 2011, I not only found God and myself, but Love also found me :). I finished 2011, feeling like I was coming out of fog.

This year has been an AMAZING year. A year, filled with life, love, and joy. 2012 has brought me a Fiance/Great Friend, a family that is beginning to pull itself back together, and friends who are coming into there own. 2012 has come with clarity in my purpose, ministry, vision, and stability. Man, 2012 has been great.

Why am I telling you about all this greatness!? Well, Today is my birthday and I am officially 25 years old. In my short life, I have been through some things and although I am more certain everyday I don't know everything. I do believe that I have learned a few things about how to find joy in your life. These are things, I want to share as a gift to you on my day.

The most important thing that I have learned in my 25 years of life (Don't laugh older people lol) is to never loose sight of who you are. For me, that means someone who can't breath without God, that means someone who desires purpose, and someone who has discovered now that her purpose is to positively impact the lives of others. When I went to find myself, I found my foundation and what really brought me joy and all the lies fell away.

Lies that I needed a man to validate me, or that I didn't need anyone because I was sufficient in myself. Lies that the world's standard was my own. I learned that the perfect balance between who I am and who God is, is all that I need to understand to move forward. I grew a lot.

So, my advice to you is: "When in doubt, Go back to the beginning." Right now, I'm enjoying my life more than I ever have before and I think it has everything to do with this process and understanding.

Thanks for Reading!

Live.Love.Laugh :)

10 Things You Don't Understand Until You Get Older

"Youth is wasted on the young" - Georgia Bernard Shaw

I've always felt that I have been rather mature for my age, but as I get older, I realize that the key to that phrase is: for my age. No matter how mature we are, the hope is that, with age comes more wisdom. I think another way of saying it is that, life experiences teach us the lessons that our parents probably wish they could have programmed in us from the start. The more life we experience, the more opportunity we have to learn from it.

Does these mean that you can't be a foolish older person? Clearly, we all know that you can. The trick is that wisdom is available to anyone, but it is something to be sought after. An individual's years on this earth is not synonymous with wisdom, but opportunity to get wisdom.

At, (almost) 25, I am hoping that in writing this, I still have enough youth in me to understand my predecessors, with enough wisdom to speak of things to come. This is my attempt to share some of the things that I did not understand until I got older and hope to not forget. 

10. Never say Never: There was a point in life when my best friend and I had a list of never's. To this day, we laugh at our selves and all the things we thought we'd never say, do, or think. What happened to the list? Let's just say that the list is non-existent at this point in our lives. Now, when one of us even thinks to say "never," the other quickly corrects her and says "Never say never. You remember the last time we said never," followed by a lot of laughs. 

Set standards. Not limitations. Be open. . . with caution.

9. Friends may come and friends May go: When I was in high school, I could not stand females. I thought they were just catty and emotional and other than my best friends, I did not want any other female friends. It's funny, looking back on such a short period of time and seeing those I thought would be here forever, as distant memories, while people I thought I'd never be friends with as my closest friends.

For this, I think you just have to be able to recognize true friendship. Everyone is not suppose to be, nor do they need to be your friends. At the same time, don't make presumptions. Let nature take it's friendly course. 

8. You will change: This may be hard to swallow, but it happens. Things change. It's the artist formerly know as progression. People evolve. Some for the better and some for the worst but it's a natural process. You should not and will not be the same person you were at 15, when you are 25 and you're hope should be that the 25 year old you is a lot better, smarter, wiser, etc. than the 15 year old you. #imjustsayin.

7. You will be something like your parents/caregivers: As much as my younger self would have made and attempt on my life for saying this, I must say that I am a lot more like my mother than I would have once projected to be. It's almost like a trick that you fall into and one day you begin doing things like they did. Now, take this with a grain of salt. Our parents, as all people, have their pluses and minuses but regardless of what we do, they are a part of us. 

I think even if you wanted to change it, you first have to acknowledge that some of them, made it into you and if you don't want it there, you have to actively change it. In my experience, I realize that I'm understanding my mother a lot more now. She is suddenly making more sense and our relationship is a lot better because of it.

6. You will always remember critical points in life: There are many points in our life that are classified as critical moments in our brains. Depending on what stage in life you are, it could be your marriage, or your first C. Either way, these are things that we don't forget. Again, Carpe Diem, but remember that our life is filled with moments, some great and some not so great. As much as you can prevent the "not so great," try it. Don't give yourself battle scares if you don't have to.

5. Your feelings will change: In general, this just means that although turquoise may be your favorite color in the whole wide world . . .it may not be in a few years. In my younger years, I thought I would never abandon orange, but as I grew older I realized that I don't really have a favorite color. Go figure.

4. You will have to figure somethings out on your own: Have you ever heard the saying, "It get's lonely at the top?" Well, it doesn't really apply here, BUT as you get older, things change and people expect you to make your own choices. People expect you to make the decisions and know what you are talking about.

Which translates to, take advantage of the information you take in. We spent our whole entire childhood, in school and being educated. Take advantage of those opportunities because by the time you are an adult, people just expect you to know. Period. That whole "I'm young" thing just doesn't work after a while.

3. Things in your past, have a way of catching up to you: Seriously though, be careful what you do on Spring Break. Honestly, be careful what you do in general. Whether that's eating unhealthy or being mean to people or being a little TOO FRIENDLY, if you know what I mean. . . what goes around, truly does come around. You don't want nothing crazy coming back to bite you in the behind.

2. Crazy in love changes to "I love you, even though. . .": There were several times in my life that I JUST KNEW I was in love. Boy, you couldn't tell me nothing. I just knew that love was this uncontrollable, emotional reaction that was wild, fun, and free. . . right? Not really at all.

When you get older, you may find that love never changed, but it's you that begins to understand the true meaning of love, being eternal, unrelenting, fierce and unconditional. Love becomes a choice. Not a whirlwind, but a conscious choice based on two individuals that need something. It's a partnership. In some instances you will find that the person you are with evolves with you and you can be together forever. On the other side, your idea of who you want to be with changes to more practical characteristics, like "Understanding," instead of "He needs to be 6"8 and play basketball."

Just listen to your gut. When I was in High School, my list of qualities was 45 items long. That list was pretty ridiculous. At the end of the day, the man on the list ain't got nothing on the man I'm going to marry.

1. You will get older: As long as you are alive on this planet, you will age. Your body will change, you will move slower,  you will get tired, and the list goes on. Be mindful and thankful of everyday you can be young, while still thinking about how you want to live when you're old. Take care of your body, both in the food you put in it and the thoughts. Stay positive and stay open.

Keep alive. I have faith in you.

Eat. Pray. Love.

Forever waiting to press GO

"A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else." -George Savile

Do you ever feel like you're always waiting for the next big thing? I do. I always feel like there is always something to look forward to, something that makes "right now" seem just a little less attractive. On one side, it's optimistic to always have hope for more, yet on the other side it's never being satisfied for what life is at each and every moment. It a nutshell, it's impatient.

Por ejemplo, when I was 16, I wanted to be 18, so that I could move out. (What teen doesn't?) When I was 18, I wanted to be 21 because. . . I mean, it was 21. When I was 21, I thought well 25 is when you really grow up. Mind you, now that I'm almost 25, I'm really hoping my life continues to advance with out aging a day, but one can dream, right?

Anyways, this isn't just a problem in my age. This is also a problem in my love, professional, and academic life. When my best friend and I were in high school, we couldn't have imagined anything better than having a boyfriend. As life went on, it progressed. When I graduated from high school, I couldn't wait to finish college. After college, I didn't waste any time getting my masters and after almost a year and a half of solely having my Masters, I feel the twisted compulsion and agonizing desire to march forward towards my PhD. I just can't be satisfied.

It just seems like now is never enough. 

My friends would probably say that this is normal for me. Maybe even suggest that my continuous desire to leave/go/exit is inscribed in my DNA. Yet, I'd image in all the people in the world there is AT LEAST one other person like me. . . right? 

I fear that marriage is slowly becoming my desire, just so that I'm no longer stationed where I am, but then what comes next. . . children!? Something has got to give.

I just feel like I'm forever waiting to press go. I'm always anxiously waiting for the next BIG thing to happen. Yet, this is where "virtues" and "wisdom" come in. This is when sayings like "Don't forget to smell the roses" and "Take advantage of you time" should settle in ones mind and calm all anxieties and fears. . . right? 

The secret must be balance. Mind you, it's hard for me to image anything in life that doesn't take a tinsy bit of that. Regardless, the answer to my struggle with "go, Go, GO!," must bewaiting and hoping for better, but being fully engaged in every moment of the present. (If that is even possible).

It must be balance. 

It must be that we do not forget to admire the stones that make the building, as well as taking pride in the accomplishment of the final structure. It must be balance. When I think back, I'm forever grateful for the stones that are steadily completing my mountain. I've just never had the patience to admire them, while building.

C'est la vi. With this understanding I will try to smell my roses, while lacing up my shoes to take off. I will try to be patient but prepared and I will try not to look so far ahead into my future, I forget my present. "Try" being the word to highlight, underline, and circle.

Think. HAPPY. Thoughs.