ATTENTION: This is a "No Men Allowed" post, which means that if you are male, mentally, emotionally or physically. . . You can exit stage left. ::Pauses for exit:: Just in case, you (man) has decided to continue on and read this, I just want you to know that this by no means justifies you calling a woman a nag. This is just an unanswered question that I would like to pose to the female (mentally, emotionally, and physcially) population.
Thanks,
Managment.
As you all may or may not know, last year I went on this "Eat Pray Love" journey, which was like my God love, self-Love . . . self-discovery trip. This journey included a long list of self-indulging "To Do's," as well as a list of "To NOT Do's." One of the things on my "To NOT Do" list was "get into a relationship." For clarification, that means I was NOT suppose to get into a relationship. So. . . needlesstosay, this was something that I did NOT do so good at.
Just to save face, I will say that I did add that IF my dream guy came during this time period I would not say "NO, I MUST EAT, PRAY, LOVE. . . GET THEE BEHIND ME." Yet and still, I did say that I would just focus on me. . . which is fairly hard with a man.
ANYWAYS. . . the point of this post is not to discuss my failures but my issues. After a year (as of next week) of being in a relationship (Yay, Us!), I find myself with this increasingly urgent need to nag. It's like something innate that births itself in every conversation and results in my very wonderful boyfriend, thinking that he's just not so wonderful.
WHAT IS THAT!?
Is it just me? Am I cursed with a "nagging" gene? It's like one second I will be talking to my boyfriend about life, love, and happiness and then two seconds later I'm telling him something I don't like. I can't say that he is without flaws, but is it a female trait to have to address EVERY flaw?
I honestly have no idea. I just know that I'm starting to feel bad. I think part of my motivation to address EVERY little issue is that I really want to be pro-active about problem areas. I don't want to be one of those women that look back 30 years and thinks, "If I would have just told him that I don't like the way he chews on the first date, then we wouldn't be getting a divorce now."
Okay maybe the issues are a little bit more important BUT yet in still. . . How do we address issues without becoming a nag. That's what I want to know.
Help a sistah out.
I don't know if I can give an answer to your situation without knowing the nuances of your relationship, but I can say that guys overall are less confrontational than females. No one is perfect, but women tend to more vocal about issues (small or big). The guys I know tend to avoid conflict if necessary. Men and women just happen to have different approaches to attain the same thing...happiness. If your boyfriend loves that you are pro-active, then don't change. Also, it would be amazing if you vocalize you love him including his flaws, that some flaws don't even need to change because you accept it's a part of the package you signed up for. Good communication is key, but people can effectively communicate aka get their point across without "nagging" about everything and anything that goes wrong. I don't think I have ever had the nagging trait, but I hae given my boyfriend(s) in the past that look like "You're an idiot, why did you even do that"..which is just as hurtful and makes someone feel insecure. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say things. Hope that gives some insight :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like someone should be a guest writer on my blog!
ReplyDeletePsssh...I guess I'm a certified nagger,but if they were doing it right after the first,second,& third discussion it wouldn't be an issue, would it? I'm a strong believer in fighting for what you want,but you must also realize when the battle just isn't worth the fight. However, I'm not a settler either *shrugs* I think it depends. Arguments are inevitable & I def think it's good to squash the small issues & iron out the kinks from jump.
ReplyDeleteAGREED :)
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